Tuesday, August 20, 2019
 

avoid the aliens;
11:46 AM

Wednesday, May 29, 2019
Spirit of God, descend upon my heart. Wean it from earth. Through all its pulses move. Stoop to my weakness, mighty as thou art, and make me love thee as I ought to love.

avoid the aliens;
9:27 AM

Tuesday, January 22, 2019
Hello, its been a while (:
Just thought that I would document what God has been teaching me lately, because this feels like one of those rare moments of clarity. This would be so helpful when I experience those downtimes of inadequacy, so i'm writing this to my future self!


avoid the aliens;
10:36 PM

Friday, October 12, 2018
make believe.

avoid the aliens;
10:39 PM

Saturday, August 11, 2018
But I will trust in You.

avoid the aliens;
1:53 PM

Wednesday, July 11, 2018
Satisfy me in the morning with your steadfast love!

No, don't let me settle for anything less.

"You make known to me the path of life; in Your presence there is fullness of joy; at Your right hand are pleasures forevermore"- Psalm 16:11

avoid the aliens;
11:57 PM

Tuesday, February 27, 2018
my heart is heavy.. just thinking about how dark life is. Why is life so hard? Not for me, but for so many people who fall through the cracks. Why are they so hard to see?

I think we blind ourselves to the truth we see to protect ourselves. The less we think about it, the less it can affect us. So each day we ignore, we become just a little more numb.

Today my eyes were stripped of its blindness. Its so weird to see again with such clarity. Yet i'm so conflicted and troubled. I don't want to ever go back to that state of blindness again, although everything around me tells me to. "Don't be stupid", "Don't fall for their tricks" they say. Is it really stupidity, or is it reality?

Not only are the things around me holding me back. Even a part of myself holds back, because sometimes its too painful to give. I forget that everything that I have is a gift: my talents, my time, my possessions, my money, my life. I tell myself that I've earned it, I deserve to spend it on myself. Think about all that I can get if I use this on myself. That would make me so happy. No, that's the heart that deceives and blinds us to think that our best life is to be enjoyed now.

In the end, it all boils down to whether He is worth everything that I give up for Him. Those who say that even if Christianity was a lie, their life was not wasted, never lived like Jesus. Jesus gave His all for people that did not acknowledge Him, even till His dying day.

Why does something so right feel so wrong? Am I ready to give up the acceptable social norms for the gospel of Christ?

I can't imagine how Your heart aches for all the hurt in the world, Lord.
You see them all!
Give me Your eyes to see,
Help me to love You as I ought!

avoid the aliens;
11:48 PM

Monday, January 01, 2018
You are justice for every oppression
You're forgiveness for every confession
You are beauty, goodness, blessing
You are love

You are healing for every sickness
You are power in every weakness
You are mighty, holy, faithful
You are love

O God of the Heavens,
You descended from your throne
Gave your Son for our ransom
And by this all men will know that You are love


avoid the aliens;
8:58 PM

Monday, September 18, 2017
Bring me low and let there be
More of You and less of me, Jesus!

avoid the aliens;
11:27 PM

Sunday, September 17, 2017
there's no need to worry when you see just where we're at

avoid the aliens;
6:29 PM

Monday, June 19, 2017
You're the God of every story,
No matter what I'm going through.
I may not understand, You are God and I am just a man.
Yeah I'm forever trusting in Your plan.
One thing is certain
You are faithful, You're are faithful God.

avoid the aliens;
4:59 PM

Monday, June 12, 2017
I haven't posted in a while, namely because I seldom use my computer nowadays.
But I decided that I should post today because I want to remember how I am feeling and what I learnt today.

Today feels quite strange because I just came back from church camp, and starting work just feels slightly disorientating. I rarely thought about work the entire week I was away, so much so that it almost felt like I was a student again. Staying up super late playing games, and having to wake up super early for the program the next day. I was extremely tired after camp, but I wouldn't trade it for the world! No regrets at all! (: It was a good break.

So I had a little bit of the Monday blues starting work today. I thank God that I do not dread coming to work daily, it is actually quite enjoyable. But it was just the feeling of losing the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want to. Sigh... There is just too little free time in the Singapore system! All I have time for is to work, sleep, eat. If only I could change that. But nevertheless, I thank God for great colleagues who followed up with all the work I had to do, so that nothing screwed up while I was gone! hahaha.

Anyway, just some things that God has been teaching me these few days. He has been teaching me about the grace of God extended to me, a sinner. And how Christ love compels me to live my life for Him. Sounds simple right? Pretty basic stuff. But its soooo difficult to live out, given that we as Christians tend to gravitate towards the debtor's mentality. We think we can pay God back for what He has given us. But that cannot be further from the truth, because every step we take towards Christlikeness, is taken by grace alone, with the Spirit's power alone! It is not of ourselves. We only get more and more grace, which we can never pay back.

So just today I came across a sermon, which really struck me, on the mercies of God.
http://www.desiringgod.org/messages/build-your-life-on-the-mercies-of-god

There are 2 types of mercy. The mercy which shows compassion to the helpless/desperate, and mercy which offers forgiveness to the guilty.
We often focus on the first type of mercy which we do out of pity.

This mercy of God ought to penetrate deeper and deeper into our sub conscience. We seldom have time the pre-meditate our every action, and most of the sins which I am guilty of are to do with my reflex reaction to things. I'm praying for the mercy of God to reach deeper so that I can extend this mercy to others especially through my unpremeditated actions.

What it means to build our lives on the mercy of God is to put the gospel at the core of everything that we do. This is an excerpt taken from the article:

"Parents, teach your children that the behavior and attitudes you expect from them are built on something! Don't say, "Just do it."... Help them to see that Christian living is not a list of do's and don'ts, it is a way of showing the glory of God and Christ. Help them see that Christian living for children and teenagers and adults - is built on the gospel - on the beauty of Christ crucified and risen and reigning. The question is not mainly, "What's wrong with this music or this movie or this party or this dress or these drugs or these friends?" The question is, How can I act and speak and feel so that I help my friends see the worth of Jesus above all music and movies and parties and friends? How can I live to show that Jesus didn't come into the world to help me party better but to help me love better and die better? Cultivate in your home the understanding of the word "therefore" in Romans 12:1."

I think I heard this sermon 3 times, and yet I keep learning new things as I rehear it. May God bring these truths to life for me as I go through the rest of the week.
A song comes to mind as I come to a close:

Hear our prayer, 
O Lord God Almighty!
Come bless our land, 
As we seek You,
Worship You!
For You are Holy, Lord.

avoid the aliens;
10:37 PM

Monday, May 01, 2017
"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." - Philippians 4:8

avoid the aliens;
10:46 PM

Sunday, April 23, 2017
Some notes that I took down while listening to John Piper's sermon on Marriage: Forgiveness and Forbearance. Its really just in note form, because its just for me to remember what I have learnt. I'm sure you will benefit more if you want to look up the full sermon.

vertical forgiveness, vertical grace, vertical justification is coming down from Jesus from the cross, and I am now so thrilled by it, so transformed by it, so revelling in it that i now bend it out to my wife. and thus marriage becomes a display of the covenant keeping love of Christ and the church.

Why are you stressing forgiveness and forbearance, instead of romance and enjoyment.
1) In marriage there will always be conflict, for the simple reason that there will always be sin. Idiosyncracies, peculiarities of this person that will get your goat. always to the end of time.
2) Hard, rugged work of forgiveness and forbearance makes possible the reawakening of affections that you thought were dead.
3) God gets glory when 2 very imperfect, very flawed, very different people forge a lifetime of faithfulness in the furnace of affliction, by relying on Jesus.

The main battle in life/ marriage is to believe in Christ. When I say believe, i mean to trust it, embrace it, cherish it, treasure it, bank on it, breathe it, let it shape you. Christ is my life, His cross is my joy. This is my life, this is my hope. From this i love my husband. Out of this I find forgiveness and forbearance possible.

Put on then:
1) as God's chosen ones
2) as God's holy ones
3) as God's loved ones

On that basis, it tells us what inner conditions and external behaviours are the right clothing, fitting clothing to the chosen, the holy & the loved.

Put on then compassion, kindness, humility, meekness, patience, bearing with one another, and if anyone has a complaint against another, forgiving each other.

Sink your roots by grace into the gospel until there's more mercy here flowing out in kindness. Fight the fight at the level of the gospel.

Humility is lowliness, meekness is the demeanor that follows.

Forbearing/ Longsuffering/ Patience means inside if there a short fuse, there should be a long fuse, a really really long fuse. And if there is this long fuse, it burns so long, it rains on it before it gets to the dynamite. Leads to forbearance and forgiveness. Sink your roots into the gospel, until your fuse gets longer and you become a longsuffering Christian.

Where does anger come from? Anger is a marriage killer. Rage is the opposite of longsuffering. Longsuffering grows out of lowliness and bowels of mercy, which flow from knowing yourselves to be loved, holy and chosen. Anger is rooted in no believing the gospel. When I say believing i mean not embracing, not cherishing, not treasuing, not being stunned and blown away that my sins are forgiven and i am loved, and i am set apart for God, and I am chosen from eternity owing to nothing in myself. How could I ever hold anything against anybody?

Because for the degree that John Piper is not amazed at his salvation, Noel pays.

What does forbearance mean, it means enduring one another, doesn't sound hopeful or positive.
Love bears all things, hopes all things, believes all things, endures all things. The NT is not excessively romantic about relationships. It's just tough, stay in them! Because if you stay in them, glorious things can happen.

Forgive/ freely, graciously give without exacting a payment. In the context of a relationship, somebody has done something, and they've gotten into debt with you, they've hurt you/ neglected you/ made me. You can settle that by saying "That person, he/she should pay!" And we make people pay in various ways, we get the last word, say an ugly word, mope, don't show up in bed.
This says return good for evil without making her pay. That's the spirit of forgiveness. Do not return evil for evil, but bless.
Forgiveness says: I will not treat you badly, because of your sins against me, or your annoying habits.
Forbearance says usually to itself: Those sins against me, and those annoying habits really bother me, and I won't hold it against you.
If that weren't true, we wouldn't need this word endurance. This word is here because they don't go away!The habit that you wish were different doesn't go away.

The compost pile analogy:
Picture your marriage as a grassy field and you enter at the beginning full of hope & joy. You look out on the field and you see beautiful flowers and grass and rolling hills, trees and it is beautiful. You want to walk in this all your life. On your wedding day I want this woman and I want this man, and we want to be together and walk in beautiful fields of green grass, spring flowers. And before long you step into cow pie. And in some seasons in your marriage they seem to be everywhere. This is not grass, this is just manure! These are sins, flaws, idiosyncrasies, weaknesses, annoying habits in your spouse and you try to forgive them and you try to forbear. The problem is they can tend to dominate the relationship. Everywhere you step, it smells. It may not be true that they are everywhere, it just feels that way. I think the combination of forgiveness and forbearance leads to the creation of a compost pile. Here at the compost pile, you and your husband begin to shovel cow pies into this pile, and you put a fence around it and you shovel them in. And you look at each other and you simply admit that there are a lot of cow pies in this field. You and I bring a lot of cow pies to this relationship. And you say to each other that we got to do this because we are losing sight of the fact that we keep focusing on these cow pies, that's all we are thinking about! I mean we're looking for them to step in! So let's get them and throw them in one place, the compost pile. And when we have to, we'll go there and we'll smell it and we'll feel bad, and we'll deal with it as best as we can. Then we walk away from the pile. And we'll set our eyes on the rest of the field. Satan and our flesh can begin to take a few disappointments/ frustrations and multiply them so out of proportion that we think "there's no green grass anywhere, there are no flowers, there are no trees, there's no sunshine which is an absolute lie. Then we are going to pick some of our favorite paths, hills that we know are not strewn with cow pies, and we're going to be thankful that that part of the field is sweet. Our hands may be dirty, and our backs may ache from all the shoveling, but we know one thing, we will not pitch our tent in that compost pile. We will go there when we must, this is the gift of grace that we will give each other again and again and again, we will only go there when we must. We won't go live there, we won't retreat there, we won't go lick our wounds there, we won't pitch our tent there, we will only go there when we must. Why? because you and I are chosen, holy and loved.

avoid the aliens;
2:27 AM

Saturday, April 15, 2017
I spent the morning watching "The Bible" series on tv.
It made me realize that if you lived in that time, you either would believe that Jesus was a mad man, or that He was who He claimed to be: The Son of God. He was by no means just "a great teacher" like many people today think he was.

It also reminded me of Jesus' cruel death on that fateful Friday 2000 years ago. But it did not just stop there, after He rose from the dead, He walked on this earth for 40 days, explaining to the disciples and preparing them to spread the gospel to the ends of the earth.

Ok sure, you may not believe that Jesus rose from the dead, but there is so much reason to believe that. Look at the changed lives of the disciples! After those 40 days with the risen Christ, they were changed men. They changed from cowards to men who eventually died for the sake of the gospel. No one is willing to die for a lie. They died for what they believed and eventually all were martyred for their faith. The cruel death of Jesus was not the end of persecution, but it was just the beginning. Peter was crucified upside down, the rest of the disciples were stoned or beheaded.

He is Lord! And I look forward to the day where everyone on earth will confess that He is Lord.

Just as the disciples went their separate ways to spread the gospel, He has placed me where I am to be a light for the world which does not yet know of the good news of salvation. It is difficult, but it is worth it! May his grace enable me.

avoid the aliens;
3:11 PM

Sunday, March 12, 2017
I love to tell the story
of unseen things above,
of Jesus and his glory
of Jesus and his love.
I love to tell the story
because I know its true; 
it satisfies my longings 
as nothing else can do.

Chorus:
I love to tell the story;
'twill be my theme in glory
to tell the old, old story
of Jesus and his love

I love to tell the story;
'tis pleasant to repeat
what seem, each time I tell it,
more wonderfully sweet.
I love to tell the story,
for some have never heard
the message of salvation
from God's own holy word.

I love to tell the story,
for those who know it best
seem hungering and thirsting
to hear it, like the rest.
And when, in scenes of glory,
I sing the new, new song,
'twill be the old, old story
that I have loved so long.


May this be the song of my heart! (:

avoid the aliens;
11:11 PM

Wednesday, March 08, 2017
An excerpt of a prayer at the end of the sermon by John Piper:

Father, I pray for pastors who teach these things to their people so that they build radical, crazy, out-of-sync, risk-taking, sacrificial, love-displaying, Christ-exalting congregations who can only be explained because Jesus has so satisfied their souls forever, that they can say "Let goods and kindred go, this mortal life also. The body they may kill, God's truth abideth still. His kingdom is forever!"

That was a sermon about how the normal Christian life is meant to be radical, rather than the passive lives that many of us lead.

I was just thinking about what would happen if I were a Christian in a country that persecutes Christians.. It would only be by the Spirit that I would be able to say: "For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere. I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my Lord, than dwell in the tents of wickedness." (Psalm 84:10)

Its difficult to be faithful in the big things, but even more difficult to be faithful in all the small things of daily life. May God give me the eyes to see my reality in the light of His word, and the empowerment to live for Him!

avoid the aliens;
11:02 PM

Wednesday, March 01, 2017
well, today was not my best day.
it was the first day of construction and I already made 3 mistakes. :/
my boss is not happy at all, and he expects PERFECTION, which I always thought was something that is possible for me, since i am a perfectionist.

but sigh. its my forgetfulness that is getting the better of me! i find it hard to remember things even when i am not stressed. So when I am actually stressed, it is almost impossible for me to remember anything! ): so, naturally when i found that i made a mistake, it made me so on edge the whole meeting, that i totally missed out some things which i needed to do there on site.

I was wondering why God made me this way, so super forgetful.

Then I came across this article about "The Fourfold Beauty of a Godly Woman".

It made me realize that I need to hope in God! recently i've been learning that it is sooo important to recall God's promises to mind, so that I can kill sin. And then this articles also says "A woman who hopes in God is well acquainted with the character of the Promiser and the specifics of this promises. She spends time with him in his word and in prayer, and she believes in his gospel and finds shelter in his name." So we do not hope in just a "nice God out there who will help me", but to dig into His word to know for sure what God has promised me.

The article also reminded me that I need to stop being afraid. "A woman who hopes in God is not afraid, because she knows her God. She is not afraid of the path that God has called her to walk. She is not afraid of sickness. She is not afraid of the future. She is not afraid of death and dark valleys. She entrusts to God her children, her marriage, and her ministry. She advances the kingdom through fearless submission to God's design for womanhood, marriage, motherhood, and ministry, because she hopes in God."

I am so afraid when I make mistakes, and so afraid when I know I have something to lose. I know I tell other people to trust God, but it is really so difficult to do! It is so difficult to trust Him with my job. I pray that He will be able to show me which of His promises I can cling to, so that I can recall the promise, and believe it!

avoid the aliens;
11:35 PM

Monday, February 27, 2017
my project is soon going to be built and as you can guess, stress levels have been high for me for the past week. but I thank God for answered prayer today, which has made my week!! my contractor and client have FINALLY agreed on a price!!! its momentous for me because we managed to reduce the contract sum by $50k, through some crazy negotiations, and cutting out of stuff. it was something that I never thought possible. 

avoid the aliens;
11:04 PM

Friday, February 17, 2017
Spend and be spent.

avoid the aliens;
7:28 AM

Sunday, February 12, 2017
The Donkey Story

The donkey awakened, his mind still savoring the afterglow of the most exciting day of his life. Never before had he felt such a rush of pleasure and pride. He walked into town and found a group of people by the well.

"I'll show myself to them." he thought.

But, they didn't notice him. They went on drawing their water and paid him no mind.

"Throw your garments down," he said crossly. "don't you know who I am?"

They just looked at him in amazement. Someone slapped him across the tail and ordered him to move off.

"Miserable haters.." he muttered, "I'll just go to the market where the good people are. They will remember me!"

But, the same thing happened. No one paid any attention to the donkey as he strutted down the main street to the market place.

"The palm branches... Where are the palm branches?" he shouted. "Yesterday you threw down palm branches..."

Hurt and confused, the donkey returned to his mother.

"Foolish child..." she said gently.

"Don't you realize that without Him, you're just an ordinary donkey."


A humbling reminder of how silly pride looks sometimes, when we think that our best efforts to be good make us good people. It is only God that has the power to bring us from spiritual death to life, and not only that, He gives us the honor & privilege of being a part of His service. Without Him, we are nothing. Thank you Lord (:

avoid the aliens;
7:24 PM

Sunday, January 29, 2017
Jesus calls us over the tumult
of our life's wild, restless sea;
day by day his sweet voice soundeth,
saying, "Christian, follow me!"

As of old the apostles heard it
by the Galilean lake,
turned from home and toil and kindred,
leaving all for Jesus' sake

Jesus calls us from the worship
of the vain world's golden store,
from each idol that would keep us,
saying, "Christian, love me more!"

In our joys and in our sorrows,
days of toil and hours of ease,
still he calls, in cares and pleasures,
"Christian, love me more than these!"

Jesus calls us! By thy mercies,
Savior, may we hear thy call,
give our hearts to thine obedience,
serve and love thee best of all.

avoid the aliens;
2:39 PM

Saturday, January 14, 2017
this post serves as a reminder to myself to not be afraid to

slow down,

take a breather,

savor God.

Its a reminder not to take each morning that i wake up as just another day, because who knows which day would be my last? when you're working, the months pass by so fast. i've already been working for 7 months!! i don't want to just "survive" each day, because each day is a gift from God... no, each breath!

avoid the aliens;
12:51 PM

Wednesday, January 04, 2017
i'm not that girl

avoid the aliens;
11:32 PM

Thursday, December 15, 2016
don't let me lose my wonder!

avoid the aliens;
12:32 AM

Friday, November 25, 2016
Had quite a bit of church stuff to do this weekend and I was praying that I would be able to finish them all, and of course to do it joyfully. God answers prayer! 2 of my appointments got cancelled/ shifted, so i now only have to focus on the other 2 (:

Its not the first time that somehow I am able to finish on time. Sometimes it is the time itself that stretches, so that I end up spending a really short time prepping, or somehow someone offers to step in for me.

God is good, He knows what I can handle (:

avoid the aliens;
11:44 PM

Wednesday, October 26, 2016
break my heart for what breaks yours

avoid the aliens;
11:21 PM

Sunday, October 16, 2016
They said to each other, "Did not our hearts burn within us while he talked to us on the road, while he opened to us the Scriptures?" - Luke 24:32

avoid the aliens;
7:00 AM

Friday, September 30, 2016
feeling thoughtful today.. we had a long day of moving office, and everyone's exhausted, but i'm so thankful for my job. thankful for the closer bonds forged in "hardship" (: it has made me realize that i really do enjoy working! its long hours, and often causing me to always be "the late one" for dinners/ meetups, but I really do thank God for placing me where I am (:

anyway, i'm looking forward to a full day tomorrow with edric's wedding day! i've been so blessed to belong to the circle of family friends which i have known since birth, and you've all shown me what it means to be loved and cared for, of which i know i am not deserving of! to this group of inbuilt friends, as you all move on with your own families and lives, it is my prayer that we will continue to grow in faith and love for our God! my heart is warmed with the thought that together we can do great things for God wherever we are placed, even though we may be far apart!

goodnight all, this aching girl is off to sleep (:

avoid the aliens;
11:16 PM

Saturday, September 03, 2016
Having a thoughtful Saturday, just thinking about what a miracle it was that God brought the Israelites across the Red Sea, cos I was watching "The Bible" series on TV. Just got me wondering why He doesn't use such miracles today. Then I remembered that the Israelites only praised Him for a while, but later they attributed their salvation to foreign gods. There was also a story in the gospels where a man died and went to hell. Then he asked God if he could go back down to earth to warn his family about hell, so that they would believe and not make the same mistake that he did. But God said that they didn't listen to Moses and the prophets, so even if a man were to rise from the dead, they would not believe. God was right in many senses, and this would also come into fulfillment in Jesus' death and resurrection.

Sometimes I wish that God were more visible to non-believers in current times. I was contemplating asking my friend to watch the part about the Israelites crossing the Red Sea, because no human would have been able to do such miracles, and if it really happened, there MUST be a higher power. God MUST be real. So i did a bit of research about evidences of the parting of the Red Sea. Saw so many articles trying to use science to prove that it was just a force of nature, and not a work of God. It made me so sad because of their unbelief. The existence of the world itself is like a message written on the sand at the beach. Sure, you can try to explain how that message got there, maybe a stick was washed up on shore which created the straight lines or the "I", maybe some rocks fell from the cliff to create the "O", some snakes created the "S" hahaha. But the overwhelming evidence is that that message was not just a random occurrence in nature. It would not be hard to believe that it was written by someone. Similarly, the world was created by God. Why is that so much harder to believe? ):

Anyway, back to the research about the crossing of the Red Sea, while I was alone in my thoughts while taking a bath, it dawned on me that the greatest evidence of the Bible's historicity lied in the lives of those who experienced it first-hand! Was just thinking about the changed lives of the disciples from cowards who abandoned Christ, to passionate martyrs after seeing the risen Christ. The greatest evidence was that they were willing to die for what they believed in. No one is willing to die for something they know is a lie. I also recall a speaker from Project Timothy asking "What would it take to convince you that your brother was God?" He said that most people responded with surprised expressions "My brother?? God??". Yeah its a normal reaction because he was born from the same mother, how can he be God? James, the brother of Jesus also thought that He was crazy in his 3 years of ministry, but after he saw the risen Christ, he went on to write the book of James, which starts with "James, a servant of God and of the LORD Jesus Christ". He acknowledged his brother as LORD! what a transformation!

Similarly, the Israelites praised God for His salvation in the exodus, meaning that they were FULLY convinced that it was God that delivered the plagues to Pharoah, and God who parted the Red Sea. Sure you can say that it might have been some sort of tsunami that caused the sea to part, but is it really that coincidental that just at the point that Moses lifted up his staff and stretched out his hand, the tsunami came? If it had come an hour later, it may not have been convincing, and people may argue that maybe it was coincidence. but the fact that the people believed, and Moses himself believed sure says that God really made it happen with His power! And it is not to say that there is no evidence in current times... Look at me! the fact that God has changed my motivations and life purpose is evidence to me that He exists! Indeed the greatest miracle that I have seen in my lifetime is that He has brought me from spiritual death to life!

Now, Lord, I would be Yours alone
And live so all might see
The strength to follow your commands
Could never come from me! 
Oh Father use this ransomed life
In any way You choose
And let me song forever be:
My only boast is You!

He is to be praised!!

avoid the aliens;
1:40 PM

Thursday, September 01, 2016
Today was one of the rare days where I left work on time! (: its a pity i dont know what to do hahaha. ah well. some alone time is always good to reflect on life! and maybe i will catch up on some work! thankful that tomorrow is already Friday! i'm slightly worried about what my boss has to say about the work i've done, but tomorrow will worry for itself!

but in other news, i'm feeling optimistic! (: if there ever was a opposite day for the time-of-the-month, today is it! (:

avoid the aliens;
9:36 PM

Thursday, August 25, 2016
i'm so tired of thinking. tired of life. there are so many possibilities of what could happen in life, i just don't want to think anymore. don't worry, i'm not suicidal. im just glad if God decides to take me earlier than the average person.

just within the realm of my job, there's so many ways of designing things, that sometimes i'm just so tired of thinking because there will always be something that's better. Whether or not I can think of it is another issue (probably not). im tired of possibilities, i sometimes wish things were just black and white, and that there was a manual for designing things.

in relationships, there's so many things that you can say/ do for a person, sometimes i get so caught up thinking of what is the best way to say things, and end up not saying anything at all. then i end up regretting that i missed the moment, and thinking about the what-ifs. there's just too many permutations for how a relationship will turn out just from the conversations you have, and i really don't want to think about all the possibilities. why isn't there a manual for relationships?? why aren't things black and white????

looking back at what i just read, it sounds like i'm really angst or emo or something, but i think i'm just so tired of thinking... im looking forward to heaven, because God would have everything all sorted out. no more searching for solutions to problems, because there will be no problems! no need to be afraid to offend people because we will all be sinless! And of course spending all my undivided attention on giving God glory, which is so difficult in this life, especially when there's so much to be thinking about /solving/ damage-control!

i probably wont be able to understand what i'm feeling in a few months time when i look back on this post haha. i think its the perfectionist side of me speaking. if i can't get things perfect, then why even try?

avoid the aliens;
9:11 PM

Sunday, August 14, 2016
its been so long since i've had time to write a blog post. today is a rare sunday afternoon, where i had nothing planned. so it was nice just being able to feel unemployed again, just doing whatever i want to do without the little voice in the back of my mind telling me that i have no time.

i was reading Luke 10 a few days back, and it was talking about the part where Jesus sends out 72 of his disciples to go to different towns to heal the sick and cast out demons.

"The seventy-two returned with joy, saying, "Lord, even the demons are subject to us in your name!
And he said to them, "I saw Satan fall like lighting from heaven. Behold, I have given you authority to tread on serpents and scorpions, and over all the power of the enemy, and nothing shall hurt you. Nevertheless, do not rejoice in this, that the spirits are subject to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven."

This was just a really cool reminder for me that God can do wonderful things in your service to Him! but although its great to marvel at God's power, but the greatest joy that we have is our restored relationship with Him (: thankful for the hope of an eternity spent with the One who gave of Himself for me!

avoid the aliens;
6:27 PM

Saturday, July 23, 2016
welcome to the real world jamie...

avoid the aliens;
12:20 PM

its been a pretty significant 2 weeks of my life.. so much has happened lately and i think i have learnt quite a bit about myself in my new job. i've also realised that i never really understood working people until i started working myself. now i have a new-found respect for them, and i feel like i really want to know how their week went, and not just as a conversation starter. so many things can happen in the course of a week!

i think my new job is teaching me to be more communicative. its a hard thing to learn because im generally not the chatty kind, but its necessary for PR skills and when i communicate with clients/ the outside world.

sigh.. i just read what i just wrote and it really bored me.. i think i shall go to sleep now (: thankful for the weekends!

avoid the aliens;
12:55 AM

Monday, July 11, 2016
...no... time... for... anything...

avoid the aliens;
10:23 PM

Sunday, July 10, 2016
Sometimes i confuse the act of serving God and obedience to Him. Yes sure it could be the same thing, but often for me, sometimes i catch myself thinking that service to God is more important than obedience to Him. like how sometimes i get to caught up in the busyness of service that my attitude is not one of joy, but one of irritability and pride.

just today, i had to rush to prepare to teach my YD class. I totally didn't have time during the week for it, so i had to do it today. but i found myself being irritable over small things and feeling like i had the right to be, because it almost felt like i was doing God a favor. it shows that sometimes i desire the praise of man more than the praise of the King, because in trying to complete my service/ commitments in the best way possible, i was compromising on my obedience to Him in the way that I related to other people.

still working on my YD prep, but i just wanted to pen my thoughts down... feeling totally unprepared, but i'm praying that He will use me in whatever way. not necessarily in YD/ service, but also in my interactions with others. hopefully this irritable mood will go away soon...

avoid the aliens;
1:27 AM

Monday, June 27, 2016
i was reminded today of the immense privilege of being loved and chosen by the King...

"I will take you from the nations and gather you from all the countries and bring you into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you shall be clean from all your uncleannesses, and from all your idols I will cleanse you. And I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put my Spirit within you, and cause you to walk in my statutes and be careful to obey my rules. You shall dwell in the land that I gave to your fathers, and you shall be my people, and I will be your God." -Ezekiel 36:24-28

Some people may ask: How do you know God exists?
He exists because knowing Him has changed me. He has given me a new heart and a new spirit, which has given me new motivations and a new direction in life. It is definitely not something that I could have done on my own, because the Bible shows me that throughout the Old Testament, no one is righteous without God. We all have hearts of stone! It is only in the New Testament that we see people changed to be soldiers for Christ, willing to risk their lives, material comforts and status to further God's kingdom.

I'm so thankful that God has brought these 'dry bones' to life, breathed life into them, so that I can live for Him. I know that He will continue to enable me to do so, because He has begun this good work in me (: God is so good (:

avoid the aliens;
1:43 PM

Wednesday, June 22, 2016
You are now reading the posts of employed Jamie! (:

Thankful to God, but i think it hasn't really sunk in yet because i just found out this morning! it was strange because i dreamt last night that i got the job, and i really did! :O maybe im also not as excited as i was when i first got my other job, because there is still the probation that i have to get through... Nevertheless, God has been good in my bad times as well as the good (:

thankful for a job in the recession! (:

avoid the aliens;
11:46 AM

Monday, June 20, 2016
was feeling quite out-of-it today... not sure why! i thought that today would be quite a relaxing day, because of the nice weather and the fact that i didn't have any commitments to fulfill in church! but i was just not really feeling it in service and holy communion. like i just couldn't concentrate... then came the combined YD program... it was prayer and praise, and i just did not feel like singing or praying. ): i really didn't know what was wrong with me and why i was feeling this way. im not even PMSing.

so i had to leave the room, because i didn't want to force myself to sing words that i found it hard to mean. did not want to pray for the sake of it too... so i joined the sunday school program where they were watching a movie on the good samaritan. it managed to make me feel a little better, and just to relax a little.

i don't think i remember the last time i felt this way... it was really a strange day. but once i went home, i slept it off for like 4 hours straight. woke up a few times, but didn't feel like getting up, so i drifted back to sleep. but that sleep and potluck helped me to feel much more like myself! thanking God for the blessing of family.

avoid the aliens;
1:36 AM

Thursday, June 16, 2016
wow Jamie, you really did it this time. you managed to just waste a perfectly good night, for doing work, on facebook and youtube videos. i told myself i'd just watch one, ended up watching MUCH more than that D:

3hrs just flew by without me even thinking about it! arghs. okay i'm gonna start working... right after i finish farmville... : / lol

avoid the aliens;
11:36 PM

Wednesday, June 15, 2016


avoid the aliens;
12:57 AM

Tuesday, June 14, 2016
i was watching some evangelism videos and i realized that ive been quite out-of-it.
maybe because of the particular life stage that i am in, where i don't really meet non-christians/ new people. but it has really got me thinking quite a bit, and itching to have a spiritual conversation with somebody who has yet to know Christ.

maybe if i had watched these videos earlier, i would have been more courageous to talk to the taxi drivers on the ride home from work. but God knows, and maybe it was also for the best.

but one thing that i learnt is to be a witness to what you know! the same power that raised Christ from the dead is available to us Christians! so boast about the power of the Holy Spirit which gives new motivations and changes lives. not only your own life, but also the miraculous changed lives of the disciples of Jesus (from cowardly individuals to people ready to lay down their lives for what they believed in). it really says a lot if we have only one life to live, and we dedicated our lives to what we believed in. it would therefore be consistent with the belief that our earthly life is fleeting, and we have an eternal one to look forward to.

slightly ranting, but i want to be able to remember my thoughts so that when i'm feeling out-of-it, i can come back and read this post (:

avoid the aliens;
11:50 AM

Monday, June 13, 2016



hey, it'll be okay, just won't be the same.

avoid the aliens;
8:44 PM

Saturday, June 11, 2016
post church camp reflections... (:

thankful for a fruitfully-spent week, and God has taught me a few things this week.

1. The need for inner regeneration
I think i've come to a point in my spiritual walk where i don't hear new things often (in terms of theological concepts). I guess it was much easier when I was young to grow spiritually, and to be touched by the Word, because I was always learning something new, and seeing things from a new perspective. As I get older, I noticed that it is more difficult to excite me with the Word, because it is quite familiar. But at the start of this camp, I resolved to not only understand the text and come up with applications, but also to really put these things into practice! As some have said, that now is where the rubber meets the road. I hope that God will continue to bring to my remembrance these commitments that I have made in camp.
I was really impacted by the movie War Room, and it reminded me of my relationship with my family members. I was just sharing in the session before that I wanted to forgive them and to treat them with love, and the movie was an actual demonstration of it, in the form of a marriage relationship. I can see how bitterness and unforgiveness can fester into a damaging relationship which is merely "surviving", rather than flourishing...
I think this camp, I really thank God for showing me that mummy is really changing for the better! I can see in the way she interacts with those who are left out, and being really open to talking to new people, that she is really trying to be a blessing to others. My heart was really warm when I saw her doing BS with the rest of the aunties! all of them had furrowed brows, cos they were really thinking hard! It makes it easier to love her after seeing this change in her, because I had always been frustrated at her spiritual walk, and her lack of spiritual parenting, which created a lot of resentment in me, and overflowed into irritation over small things. I have been wanting to make a change in my attitude for the longest time, but when the time came, I would always just lose my temper. But now, maybe God is making it easier for me to love her (although i wish i would have succeeded earlier, so that i know that it was really the work of the Spirit making the impossible possible, if you know what I mean!)

2. That change in the church begins with me
The skit on the last day was really impactful too! it showed to me that i shouldn't be focusing on those who are "worse than me", but that we all exhibit characteristics (in different degrees) which can hurt the church: like unforgiveness, being overly critical, and being passive.

3. The power of prayer
Somewhere in the middle of the camp, I was feeling quite down, because I was looking forward to many HTHT sessions, but so far there was none. So i prayed that God will bless the remaining days of camp, and help me to have meaningful fellowship. And He really did answer my prayers! The next day, someone invited me to join their table for breakfast, and I also had opportunities to sit next to people whom I hadn't sat with in the course of the camp. (: God knows my introverted tendencies and made it easier for me to have meaningful conversations, of which I am extremely grateful.

there were many other small little lessons which i learnt, but these 3 were the most impactful ones! Thankful for the Holy Spirit's work in convicting me, as well as many in my discussion group (:

honored to be chosen by the King, and to be a part of this fellowship which will last till eternity! (:

avoid the aliens;
11:43 PM

Wednesday, June 01, 2016
i was reminded today while preparing for church camp discussion questions that where I am is exactly where God wants me to be! its not mistake that i am unemployed... although sometimes it feels like it is!

it changes my perspective on what is God's purpose for me even in my unemployment. i'm so tempted to waste my days just slacking around, but i'm thankful for the reminder to "redeem the time, for the days are evil".

one blessing of unemployment is the fact that i am able to attend church camp (: looking forward to it! (:

avoid the aliens;
12:02 AM

Monday, May 30, 2016
T R U S T .

i'm feeling a little under the weather. i keep asking why, even though i know i shouldn't! why am i so faithless and proud? that's just human nature i guess... just wanting to take control of my own situation, and thinking that i know best. i think i am also quite annoyed with the person i am. it seems like God made a mistake when He made me like this. but i have to keep reminding myself that He makes no mistake. it all boils down to a lack of trust in God's purposes and character. maybe someday, in hindsight, i will understand.

have an interview later today, hope my mood does not ruin my chances!

on a separate note, i thank God for giving me more patience in dealing with my family. its amazing that i once would never even stop to think about the way i relate to them, but now God is helping me to gradually realize how i treat them while i am talking to them! if i don't think, i will usually say something that i will later regret. now i am sometimes able to stop myself in my tracks and think about what is the most appropriate/ helpful thing to say. it has never been possible for me, and that's why i know that it is the Holy Spirit's enabling (:

alright, i shall start preparing for my interview!

avoid the aliens;
11:21 AM

Thursday, May 26, 2016


avoid the aliens;
12:08 PM

Tuesday, May 17, 2016
yesterday was daddy's anniversary... its been so long, so i wonder what you are doing now...  are you in God's presence and enjoying being in close fellowship? do you ever look down over me? are you surprised at what i've become? i know i would never have guessed that i would have turned out this way.

thinking about how on this date 17 years ago you breathed your last breath. What flashed through your mind when you did? Did you regret anything? Did you think of us? Did you worry or were you filled with a sense of peace?

i guess i will only know when im reunited with you again... and maybe i won't need to know the answers..

avoid the aliens;
2:14 PM

Monday, May 16, 2016
So thankful for a great sunday worship! not sure if i was PMSing or something, but i felt super emotional throughout the whole service! it was extra meaningful because of the installation of our 2 new elders, as well as the fact that it was Pentacost Sunday. but after service, i realised that i wasnt the only one who thought that it was meaningful too (:

And it was so beautiful, because today I caught a glimpse of God's kingdom, of 2 people ready to dedicate their lives in service of God and His people... i just felt this warmth in my heart, knowing that I am headed for the heavenly kingdom with these people too! and to feel our hearts beating as one. my heart is so full! (:

i was also reminded today that the fact that I am in church worshiping God, singing with my heart, understanding His word and living my life for Him is an awesome miracle of the Holy Spirit! its a miracle because i know that only God can cause the blind to see, and the dead bones to be brought to life (:

so because i was recently facing some discouragements with the YFers, God reminded me that I need to have more faith in Him, and less in my abilities! To deal with the YFers in LOVE and PATIENCE. I always wish that I can say the right thing or rebuke them at the right time, but i've seen many times where joe was rebuking them, and i really felt that they were gonna change their bad habits. Like it was the perfect rebuke, as good as a rebuke can be! but they did for one week, then the next week it was back to their old selves. probably out of fear for joe and the repercussions.

So i'm reminded to keep trying! to keep loving! to keep putting them before myself! to keep humble! and to keep my eyes on my future hope! (: To God be the glory!

avoid the aliens;
2:57 PM

name: jamie
b`day: 150891
school: pats school house, mgs, nanyang jc, nus


they look friendly
but underneath, they`re scary

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