jamie

2012-02-12T05:26:00.009+08:00

havent been in the mood to write about my feelings in my recent posts, i've just been in a "song mood", if yknow what i mean? i mean whats the point of writing your feelings when the song conveniently puts in words everything you have been feeling or trying to express? heres probably the last post im adding to my long chain of song posts, no promises though :P

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I don't know what its like to land and not race to your door

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I'm not sure that I really ever could
Hold on to your hotel key in your bedroom neighborhood
Me sleep-walking in Hollywood

I'm gonna steer clear
I'd burn up in your atmosphere
I'm gonna steer clear
Cause I'd die if I saw you
I'd die if i didn't see you there
So i don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore

I don't think I'm gonna go to LA anymore
I'd get lost on the boulevard at night
Without your voice to tell me I love you take a right
the ten and the two is the loneliest sight

Think I'm gonna stay, gonna stay in the gray
Think I'm gonna stay
And all the street lights say nevermind, nevermind
And the canyon lines say nevermind
The sunset says we see this all the time, nevermind
Never you mind

Wherever I go, Whatever I do
I wonder where I am in my relationship to you
Wherever you go, Wherever you are
I watch your life play out in pictures from afar
I watch that pretty life play out in pictures from afar

2012-02-10T13:33:00.003+08:00

i cant count the number of times ive listened and replayed this song! really meaningful lyrics that reminds us on how we should view our current suffering
i thank God that it has spoken to so many others!(: i pray that you will be blessed by it too (:

We pray for blessings
We pray for peace
Comfort for family, protection while we sleep
We pray for healing, for prosperity
We pray for Your mighty hand to ease our suffering
All the while, You hear each spoken need
Yet love us way too much to give us lesser things

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

We pray for wisdom
Your voice to hear
And we cry in anger when we cannot feel You near
We doubt Your goodness, we doubt Your love
As if every promise from Your Word is not enough
All the while, You hear each desperate plea
And long that we'd have faith to believe

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
What if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
And what if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise

When friends betray us
When darkness seems to win
We know that pain reminds this heart
That this is not, this is not our home
It's not our home

'Cause what if Your blessings come through raindrops
What if Your healing comes through tears
And what if a thousand sleepless nights
Are what it takes to know You’re near
What if my greatest disappointments
Or the aching of this life
Is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can’t satisfy
And what if trials of this life
The rain, the storms, the hardest nights
Are Your mercies in disguise

2012-02-09T09:35:00.000+08:00

And I think of You who shines with endless light through broken jars of clay.
And I think of You redeeming every part of each day that You’ve made.
And I think of You.

Cause it was You who paid the highest price for broken jars of clay.
And you still choose to use my life for Your glory displayed.
I think of You.

(:

2012-01-25T22:33:00.002+08:00

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes" - Romans 1:16a

i was reminded today about how certainty in the gospel will lead to boasting and rejoicing in it, whereas, uncertainty will lead to being ashamed and silenced!

so many times we feel like we know that we are supposed to be sharing the gospel with our non christian friends, engaging in faithful service to God, or even doing "what is right". however we just feel like we need to push ourselves to do it, and deep down there is this sense of reluctance.

but its good to remember in these times that when we TRULY are convinced by the reality of the gospel, these actions will flow out easily and naturally!

when i read of the gospel in romans 5-8, i am allowing the Holy Spirit to work in me to drive my actions. when we dont read the word, we are forced to rely on just merely keeping the law which we know of in the 10 commandments, and in doing so, try to keep it, but fail! this is because we are using our own strength to be "righteous", rather than allowing the bible to remind us of our motivation for obedience.

often times when we feel far from God, its is probably because we havent been reading the bible to let it convince us of what we believe. even mature Christians need the reminder of the gospel often, so that they will be convinced to live in response to what they believe. (:

2012-01-24T10:40:00.001+08:00

i'm gonna find another you

2012-01-18T17:07:00.002+08:00

i really thank God for opening my eyes when i was reading romans 8!

i think i now understand better what it means to hope in Christ!
cos the passage was talking about how the sufferings (general suffering, rather than persecution) that we are going through now are not permanent, because God has promised that after suffering comes glory!

so what is this that we are supposed to hope in? we have the hope of redemption and adoption! this is what we have already received if we have placed our trust in Jesus. we will also have hope of being conformed to the image of Christ, and future glorification by God! haha it may not sound like such a big deal to a non believer, but to us Christians, we ought to rejoice! it is said that "the sufferings of the present time are not worth comparing with the glory that is to be revealed to us"; for it cannot even be compared to the reward we will have, which is much much greater! (:

suffering is always seen as a bad thing, but in romans, it says that suffering is part of the process of our conformity to Christs image and future glorification. and thus when we are suffering, we can see it as God caring for us (rather than the view that God doesnt care for us, because of our circumstances)! (:

this lesson was not something that i havent heard before, but i guess it never really sunk in, because i dont really have much major suffering! but after the bible study, we were given a case study about a random mary whose father was diagnosed with cancer. she was extremely involved in church and so is her family. but because of this incident, she was embarrassed when her friends asked her why God allowed this to happen to her, despite her love for Him and her service to Him.

i guess most of us would not blatantly say that because i believe in God, therefore my life should be smooth, but i realised that many of my actions seem to imply that deep down, i subconsciously believe it. ): for example, when it comes to grades, sometimes i may be tempted to wonder how come this person who was less active in serving God, and even put in less effort than me was able to do better than me! i mean, why is that even fair???
by saying this, we are already acknowledging that service to God is supposed to result in better circumstances, since we ARE serving him!

but i guess thats where i have misunderstood the gospel. the gospel is not revealed to us so that we will have worldly joy, but rather that we will rejoice in what is to come!

a funny example was brought up about a boy who said that his dad was going to get him a bicycle, when in fact his dad had said he was going to get him a bunny! (hehe) its funny how i sometimes expect things from God when he has never promised it to me in the first place! which is kinda silly now that i think of it. :P

i learnt today that the best testimony you can be is to be one that hopes in the future of glory and conforming to the image of Christ, even in the midst of our circumstances. it is learning to not let our joy of hope be reduced by our good and bad circumstances. in good times, i am sometimes too happy to remember that there IS a greater joy that is to come, and rather i rejoice in the temporary. in bad times, i often forget that despite this, i have eternal joy in God!

so pray for me and for everyone else who is facing this: that we will remember God's word when we are faced with the suffering, because it is honestly hard to look over and above our circumstances!
but we can have HOPE that God will bring this to our remembrance if we are His children (:

2012-01-17T08:11:00.002+08:00

listening to john mayer on repeat and falling in love with his voiceee~~
<3 his latest cd battlestudies!

his music takes me to another world, it takes sometime for me to come back to reality. beautiful music, genius lyrics; he really has a way with words (:

i don't remember you looking any better, but then again, i don't remember you

2012-01-15T15:42:00.002+08:00

wow i really thank God for today! just when i was feeling quite discouraged about certain matters, he sent comfort to me! the message and the fellowship today with the yd girls really tackled the root of my problems and why i was feeling so discouraged.

i guess it was because of a lack of faith, just not believing that God has the power to work things according to His Will, even when i pray for it. its really so amazing to see how God works, and he can work in the strangest ways!

i remembered someone told me about this person who came chuch and listened to this sermon on the king who ate grass (whats his name!!), and he converted! it was so strange as that is not usually the type of passage people will associate with conversion, but its comforting to know that there IS power in His word, whether or not we believe it. it was so funny how God really has his ways, and how he works things out in His own perfect timing (: it was just encouraging to know that He's there, and im not alone in this. i do not have to depend on choosing the right words to say at the right time, i know that if God wills, he can change any heart. and suddenly i felt like a huge burden was lifted off of my shoulders, just letting the Holy Spirit work, and not feeling guilty or anxious that i could not change how this person felt. (:

2012-01-12T23:32:00.002+08:00

wow francis chan is such a great speaker!

dont get me wrong, im not idolising francis chan. he is just a very charismatic speaker, and i like his style of speaking. it is very straightforward, and full of truth. he just enables me to appreciate the magnitude of what God has done for me and i thank God for the ministry of him and his wife. (:

merissa introed me to this series of videos that he spoke on Christ-centred relationships. i am just in awe of God's truth right now.

francis chan's ministry is just a blessing, and im sure it has been a blessing to many other youtube viewers. its just so amazing how God has empowered him and his wife to do so many wonderful things for his kingdom. it has just left me extremely upset with the way i have been looking at life and relationships

i used to think that perhaps if i were in a relationship, i would feel less lonely, and that the relationship will give me this sense of completeness, but i was just deluded.

the chief end of man is not to have the best marriage, but that in everything that he does, he points to Christ. i guess the world has fooled us into thinking that finding the perfect spouse is what is sooooo important. sometimes even to the point that God is left out of the marriage.

an interesting point brought up was how we are to decide if marriage or singlehood can enable us to serve God better. if it is marriage, then get married! if it is singleness, then remain single and dedicate yourself to the Lord. we are christians who HAPPEN to be married or single.

and its so funny how we all think that being Christian is separate from being like Christ, and suffering with Christ. we think that we can separate our lives into different areas, with some areas that God is not the Lord of. i guess its easy for me to say it right now, but it just is so illogical. which makes me even more ashamed of the way ive been living my life ):

in part 2 of the series on Christ centred relationships, i heard francis chan's wife speak about the role of the woman in the marriage. it was really refreshing to see a woman who was fervently seeking after God and Gods will! just dedicating each day anew to the Lord, and waiting on Him, it really showed that her faith is genuine! even sacrificing her own life long goals, just so that she could support her husband in his ministry to God! that is true submission! i can say right now that i am not half the woman she is, and furthermore not even close to being half the man Christ was. ):

i guess there is hope for me when i look to God in prayer. only his strength is able to sustain me through this long, narrow road of life.

2012-01-12T10:29:00.005+08:00

its funny how sin causes everything to go wrong. even the simple act of reading the bible can go wrong when pride gets into the way! i was reminded during a talk of how the main aim of bible study is so that we can rightly respond to a passage that God is speaking to us.

lately i think my objectives have become warped, and i am quite obsessed with the idea of becoming someone who can interprete the bible just like that. going to regenerate bible studies and talks, i often feel very inadequate as i am not able to answer most of the questions posed, and somehow i cant think in the way that i need to. ): it is a struggle to keep up, which would leave me discouraged, thinking that i cannot interprete the bible on my own, because, what if i do it wrongly?

so this has often caused me to lose motivation to study the bible because i had told myself that i couldnt do it.

i attended a talk by regenerate and they reminded me how the aim of bible study is not about how to study the bible, but how to know God better! when i heard that, i was just ashamed. i just felt like a Pharisee. in all my efforts to try to understand the bible, i only knew how to pick out the wrongs in what people were saying, but i never really thought much about my response after reading it.

i know God will forgive me, but i hope i didnt stumble anyone just because of my pride, and my selfish pursuit for knowledge.

this is an interesting video that has been circling facebook. it was strangly apt to my situation, so i thought i should share it here. i thank God that many have been touched by it, and i hope that you, you innocent reader, will be blessed by it too.
(:

2012-01-04T13:28:00.002+08:00

all we ever do is say goodbye.

2011-12-28T23:16:00.002+08:00

im back from the US!

it was probably the best trip that ive had in a while, being in close company to good friends for 2 weeks! (:

i realised how ive been blessed so greatly with family friends that have always been there, since the time i was born till now. ive never really had to take the initiative to be friends with them, they just always WERE. im just so thankful for that (:

being surrounded by the beauty of nature, i was filled with awe for the Creator, who within only a matter of 7 days, created all the universe and the earth and all lifeforms within. and to think that ive only seen less than a speck on the earth, i was just overwhelmed with that thought. to be able to enjoy nature in a place far from any city was a priviledge that one cant fully appreciate until you come back to the city. just to be able to be in complete peace and perhaps darkness, with only the lights of the night sky, is in many ways very theraputic. there is a feeling of being in close connection to God, away from the distractions of the world. theres an element of being far away from problems and reality, but i guess it eventually had to come to an end.

why did it have to end ):

its only my 2nd day back, and im already aching to go some place else. im so glad though that i had this opportunity to go with my family friends; my family hadnt traveled together with them in a long time, and this is by far the furthest!

but one thing i realised in america, is that i dont think i would ever want to migrate there. it is a refreshing experience to go there once in a while, but if you actually had to live there, it would feel totally different. i felt like even though the people there were really friendly, i think that they are actually much lonelier people than people who live in cities. since everything is so far away, sometimes the only people you meet is your neighbour, who lives a 5 min drive away.

also, i was really affected by the number of poor people i saw there. i just felt like giving them a hug sometimes, cos they just looked so lost, so aimless and sad. i wish life didnt result in such inequality, but the reality is not so. as i was walking along some shops at one of the pitstops for lunch, the rest were inside subway ordering food and deciding what to eat. i just wanted to check out the shops to see what else was there to eat. then i saw this guy, he was dirty, and rugged. it looked like he hadnt had a bath in a few days, and he had his head hung low as he walked slowly, dragging his feet. he looked deep in thought, or maybe just aimless. he wasnt making any attempt to beg or anything, but he did look hungry, and weak. i just felt really really sad, but i dont know why, i just didnt have the courage to do anything.

later, we went back into subway, cos we couldnt find anything else (it was a small outlet kind of place). as i sat down with my food, i recall seeing the smiles on my friend's faces, and feeling the joy of company and conversation. then just as i forgot about the man, i saw him walking past subway. he didnt look in, he just looked straight. then i saw him reach into the dustbin, even putting his head in to see if there was anything he could take that was of value. after searching for maybe 5 seconds or so, he got up and continued walking in that same pace, dragging his feet. at that moment, tears welled up in my eyes. while we were sitting inside enjoying food and friends, this man was outside, hungry and lonely. by the time i went out of the door, he was already gone. i felt like crying, and still feel like crying everytime i think about it. i wish i had done something for this man, but its already far too late. just thinking about the poor people around the world, i just feel so helpless, cos theres just so many, and so little who are willing to help. ):

argh i feel awful now. and mood swingish. perhaps it might just be me pmsing D:

2011-12-08T13:11:00.002+08:00

Be Thou my vision, O Lord of my heart;
Naught be all else to me, save that Thou art.
Thou my best thought, by day or by night,
Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light.

Be Thou my Wisdom, Thou my true Word;
I ever with Thee, Thou with me, Lord;
Thou my great Father, I thy true son;
Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.

Be Thou my battle-shield, sword for my fight,
Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight.
Thou my soul's shelter, Thou my high tower.
Raise Thou me heavenward, O Power of my power.

Riches I heed not, nor man's empty praise,
Thou mine inheritance, now and always:
Thou and Thou only, first in my heart,
High King of heaven, my Treasure Thou art.

High King of heaven, my victory won,
May I reach heaven's joys, O bright heav'ns Son!
Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,
Still be my vision, O ruler of all.

its such an honour to have Jesus as my guide, my wisdom, my sword, my inheritance and my Saviour! (:

2011-11-28T10:14:00.002+08:00

Lord, speak to me that I may speak
In living echoes of Thy tone;
As Thou has sought, so let me seek
Thine erring children lost and lone.

O lead me, Lord, that I may lead
The wandering and the wavering feet;
O feed me, Lord, that I may feed
Thy hungering ones with manna sweet.

O strengthen me, that while I stand
Firm on the rock, and strong in Thee,
I may stretch out a loving hand
To wrestlers in the troubled sea.

O teach me, Lord, that I may teach
The precious things Thou dost impart;
And wing my words, that they may reach
The hidden depths of many a heart.

O fill me with Thy fullness, Lord,
Until my very heart overflow
In kindling thought and glowing word,
Thy love to tell, Thy praise to show.

O use me, Lord, use even me,
Just as Thou wilt, and when, and where,
Until Thy blessèd face I see,
Thy rest, Thy joy, Thy glory share.

what a meaningful song we sang in church yesterday! it was a good reminder that unity in Christ can be achieved by encouragement, prayer, love and grace.

2011-11-16T23:15:00.000+08:00

Heal my heart and make it clean
Open up my eyes to the things unseen
Show me how to love like You have loved me
Break my heart for what breaks Yours
Everything I am for Your Kingdom's cause
As I walk from earth into eternity

2011-11-07T18:51:00.002+08:00

heard this song at nikki's wedding (:

better together- jack johnson

2011-10-30T01:27:00.002+08:00

why is there only 24hours in a day?

why is it that i cant seem to get things done, and even when i do, more gets piled on? even eating and sleeping is a waste of time nowadays. so little time, much less time to spend with God ): the only times i have with Him nowadays is when i listen to christian music in the shower at home.. even then, i dont go home much. so that isnt even daily. ):

Lord, you promised that you would never give me more than i can bear, but why is this just so difficult? Is this a sign that perhaps i have to give to all up? but ive come so far, just to throw it all away? is it actually possible to be a Christian architecture student? because right now, it feels that i have to choose either one. ):
i feel so far from You, not because you have left me, but because my heart keeps wandering. Lord, remind me of how much you mean to me!

Jesus draw me ever nearer
As I labour through the storm.
You have called me to this passage,
and I'll follow, though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With Your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest;
Keep my spirit staid and sure.
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love You even more.

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go -
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at Your throne.

2011-08-25T22:49:00.002+08:00

Lord, please forgive me for being ashamed of the gospel! Why is it that i hesitated to share the good news with a friend who asked? why am i so lacking in love, to let them continue to run around in the dark, blowing out my light for Christ? why should i even be ashamed if i believe it with every ounce of my being?

am i worried of being a bad example? worried about breaking friendships? or trying to please man before God?

why dont i take the mission of preaching the gospel seriously? much less making disciples for Christ? people need the Lord!

why am i so reluctant to rebuke fellow believers who are living in sin? am i loving them in doing so?

why am i not enthusiastic about the gospel, knowing that it is the absolute truth, and that God has power in His Word to change every heart: even those whom i feel are out of reach of the gospel?

i love you, Lord! please help me to live out this love for you, because of the work you did on the cross! forgive me of my sinfulness, unworthiness and spiritual lukewarmness. help me to seek to please You alone, and not to be ashamed.

"For whoever is ashamed of Me and My words in this adulterous and sinful generation, of him the Son of Man also will be ashamed when He comes in the glory of His Father with the holy angels" - Mark 8:38

"Go therefore and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all things that I have commanded you; and lo, I am with you always, even to the end of the age." - Matthew 28:19-20

thank you for reminding me that i am not alone in this battlefield.

2011-08-23T00:04:00.003+08:00

interesting article: http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2011/08/22/the-freshman-15/

its about entering university! so all those who are about to, or are currently in uni, read it!! those that arent, well some of it could apply to school! (: its a reminder about getting our life's priorities straight!

2011-08-05T22:02:00.003+08:00

as i got ready for my first day of school today, i remembered the commitments that i had made during this 3 month break. commitments which i felt convicted to follow through and carry out.

when i got to school, the first thing that happened was that we were thrown a first assignment where we are supposed to complete 5 A1 drawings, and 3 models by thursday. implications for this is that i will have to spend a large part of my weekend dedicated to research and model making.

its always so easy to make commitments, but when it comes to the actual carrying out of things, why is it that everything just falls apart?

its so much harder than i imagined.. and before i know it, i'll be falling into the same trap of putting work above God. please Lord, please help me this year..

i feel so distracted from my purpose.. having to do all these things is just tiring and time wasting. time which i could have spent reading Christian articles or reading the Bible.

what i need is time management! really good time management. i need to prioritize and stop procrastinating. please slap some sense into me if you catch me procrastinating!

sigh. i think i wont be able to go for message discussion anymore ): i have to meet my group for this assignment right after church. i guess this really means i have to take every opportunity to have godly conversations in church, since i cant stay long in church anymore ): Lord, please help me!

i feel so helpless right now. i dont know where to start! i dont want to be so engrossed in work that i forget about God, and i dont want to go overboard with the reading Christian articles, that i become too fatigued to do work!

why is it so hard to be different? sometimes i wish i could just blend into the crowd so that i wont be noticed and that i could just stay in my comfort zone, but God tells us to be lights amidst darkness, not lights in a lighted room. pray for all of us to have boldness and perserverance for Christ!

2011-08-04T00:13:00.002+08:00

my grandfather's elder brother passed away yesterday, and today we went to attend the wake. he was the eldest brother in the family, with my grandfather being the second eldest.

ive never liked attending funerals... they make me so emotional, even if i dont express it outwardly. then we have to hang around and have awkward conversations with people i meet only on occasions like funerals, weddings, and chinese new year. it sucks how my mind is already so overwhelmed with memories and feelings, but i still have to engage in meaningless small talk. sighh.

well thats just me being selfish.

the person who spoke today at the funeral was talking about how time really flies! and how he was saying that even the young people who feel they have many years more, before we know it, we are middle-aged, and then in the twinkling of an eye, we are senior citizens.

then it occurred to me that in my life, i am going to go through so many more funerals! i mean, sooner or later, everyone dies! and then as you grow up, you find your relatives, friends and family slowly dying... one by one. i really dont want to imagine. i wish i never had to grow up ):

hmmmm.. i hope that i'll die young! then maybe i wont need to suffer the loss of my best friends, or my family!

but of course, the greatest comfort to a Christian, is that your beloved are in a better place, which is with the Lord! i cant wait for that day where i can finally meet the Lord face-to-face, and be in His presence worshipping Him forever!

anyway, my condolences goes out to his immediate family and my grandpa. i'll be meeting you soon in a better place! (:

2011-08-01T22:03:00.002+08:00

heres an interesting article i read on the gospel coalition:
http://thegospelcoalition.org/blogs/tgc/2011/08/01/ministers-of-grace-in-need-of-grace/

by the way, the gospel coalition is a really good resource for online sermons and interesting articles! (:

anyway it was a reminder for me that EVERYONE is in need of grace, even teachers!

the article said that sometimes, we can be spiritually blinded of our own sins, and often fail to see how it affects others.

but the part that was new to me was the part where he was talking about the unique temptations of ministry:
"In ministry, it is easy to confuse building the kingdom of self with building the kingdom of God, because... you build both kingdoms by doing ministry!"

this really cool point that he brought up reminds me of the sin of pride, probably the biggest thing im struggling with now.

its easy to remember that we are supposed to serve God in whatever way we can, but so much harder to remember that on top of serving God in whatever way we can, we must do so in humility.

remembering that our service is solely in thanksgiving for His death for us on the cross.

2011-07-30T10:26:00.002+08:00

i seem to have read the passage from the previous post wrongly... after going back to read it again, i realised that the passage was talking mainly of people within the church rather than non-Christians!
"... not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother..." - 1 Corinthians 5:11

this is actually more scary than i thought! ): it means that we are not to associate with the sinful conduct of the people WITHIN the church.

"Is it not the church whom you are to judge? God judges those outside. Purge the evil person from among you." - 1 Corinthians 5:12

i would write more but i have to gooooo! last lunch with AG and dng before he leaves for army! ): poor guy haha.

disgracing the name of Christ

2011-07-29T12:08:00.004+08:00

one thing i realised about life in the past week was how scary the world has become! wrong has become right, just because everyone is doing it.
and right has become wrong, because no one wants to do it.
):

but the Bible clearly states:

"But now I am writing to you not to associate with anyone who bears the name of brother if he is guilty of sexual immorality or greed, or is an idolator, reviler, drunkard, or swindler - not even to eat with such a one." - 1 Corinthians 5:11

this verse is not saying that we are forbidden to eat with our non-Christian friends in the canteen or have a casual meal. because the Bible also clearly states that we are not to isolate ourselves from all non-believers, and only hang out with Christians. we are to be IN the world, but not OF the world.

i think someone told me/ i heard from somewhere that in the Bible times, eating with someone was kinda a big thing. as in, you would either have been really close to the person you were eating with, or the person was someone you really respected.

so what this verse is trying to say is that we are not to "associate" ourselves with them, to avoid giving the appearance of the approval of sinful conduct!

also, looking at the list of "sins", i found that some of them are surprisingly common. i mean, its not like God is asking us not to associate with murderers and theives only (the ones with the "serious" sins). we are to disapprove of the conduct of even the greedy, and the idolators.

it really makes me sad as so often times i find myself guilty of committing them. ): greed in earthly possessions and sometimes even power. idolatry, not in the sense of
having other religions or Gods that i pray to, but more in the subtle sense. letting anything take first place in my life over God. ):

i guess it was a reminder for me that the world is watching our every move, and they are ever ready to point the finger at anything that seems inconsistent with our label as a "Christian".
this means that we as Christians are to be "above reproach", lest we bring disgrace to the name of Christ.

MAY GOD HELP US ALL!

2011-07-29T00:45:00.002+08:00

i keep playing this song over and over on the bus ride home from work

i guess the lyrics just resonated with me.
its about saying goodbye to something that you've always wanted, even though knowing that its not good for you. and yet you still hold on, even though its not right. but i know its just not possible to have the best of both worlds. its just totally inconsistent. so i guess.. this is goodbye for now...

Goodbye to You - Michelle Branch

Of all the things I've believed in
I just want to get it over with
Tears form behind my eyes
But I do not cry
Counting the days that pass me by

I've been searching deep down in my soul
Words that I'm hearing are starting to get old
It feels like I'm starting all over again
The last three years were just pretend
And I said,

Goodbye to you
Goodbye to everything I thought I knew
You were the one I loved
The one thing that I tried to hold on to
The one thing that I tried to hold on to

I still get lost in your eyes
And it seems that I can't live a day without you
Closing my eyes and you chase my thoughts away
To a place where I am blinded by the light
But it's not right

And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time
I want what's yours and I want what's mine
I want you
But I'm not giving in this time

And when the stars fall
I will lie awake
You're my shooting star

2011-07-07T20:48:00.002+08:00

the past week was really eventful for my faith.
cos i dont think i had ever questioned my faith before this, and doubting it really shook me to the core.

i dont think it arose just from the events of last week, but i think i have always had these questions deep deeeeeeep down, just that i was too afraid to voice them all, or even to call them questions at all.

well.. last week, i did. it seemed like when i was asking all these questions, it really unearthed all the feelings i'd been keeping inside. i just found it hard to accept how i could have so many questions left unanswered, and just answering everything with "because God is sovereign" or even how we cannot understand the ways of God, because we are only humans, and God is, well.. God!

talking to one particular non-Christian friend was probably the reason why i started asking myself these questions. i guess i didnt fully realise how what can be so obvious to one, can be the total opposite to another who is not in the faith.

so, in an effort to try to convince him, i set out to find answers. i tried to hear everything in the perspective of a non-Christian, asking questions so that when he or anyone else asked me those questions, i would know the answer to them. this made me super critical during sunday sermons, picking out things that the pastor said that was unsubstantiated, pointing out his errors, and thinking that i was doing everyone a huge favour by doing so.

well, i was wrong. i was so caught up with finding answers, that i forgot that i was arguing everything from a non-Christian's perspective, against my own faith! by asking these questions, i suddenly felt like i was falling away from God, which made me deeply grieved.

for all these years, i thought my faith was growing because i was knowing more about what i believed in, and finding answers. but what i found, was that my faith is sooo small, and so prone to instability. faith not only means knowing, but sometimes faith means believing without seeing. i mean, what would be the point of faith if everything could be proven? then wouldn't everyone believe?

i was approaching this situation the wrong way. i was placing my role of sharing my beliefs above the work of the Holy Spirit in the hearts of non-believers. i felt that it was all up to me to find the right words which would convince, when ultimately i should have dedicated this to God first, and known that He can change any heart in His perfect timing. ):

ok. so you may ask me: isnt that just blindly believing, if so many questions cannot be answered?
well, no!
the one thing that i can't question is how the Bible has changed so many lives all around the world (mine included!) (: and how it has predicted some things right down to the tiny details, and hasn't been wrong before! i mean, what are the odds?

this thought has brought me through some hard times, as it has given me the assurance that what i believe in is TRUE (:

so what does this mean in my life?
i feel like i understand my purpose in life: that every decision i make should boil down to the furtherance of His kingdom. (: praise God for reminding me about the importance of spreading the gospel, and abiding in His word.

2011-07-04T13:50:00.002+08:00

"For Christ did not send me (Paul) to baptise but to preach the gospel, and not with words of eloquent wisdom, lest the cross of Christ be emptied of its power." - I Corinthians 1:17

God did not use Paul because he was very eloquent or persuasive. in fact, he was the opposite! However, Paul always managed to put the spotlight on the power of the message of the gospel, which awakened many in their faith in Christ.

"But God chose what is foolish in the world to shame the wise; God chose what is weak in the world to shame the strong; God chose what is low and despised in the world, even things that are not, to bring to nothing things that are, so that no human being might boast in the presence of God. And because of him you are in Christ Jesus, who became to us wisdom from God, righteousness and sanctification and redeption, so that, as it is written, Let the one who boasts, boast in the Lord." - I Corinthians 1:26-30

let this be an encouragement to all you out there who are shy (like me!), or feel inadequate to serve God. God can use all of us to do mighty works for Him! if only we would believe that the cross alone is able to save our family, frieds, and relatives from sin!

2011-06-29T00:58:00.002+08:00

(taken from If We Are The Body by Casting Crowns)

Jesus paid far too high a price
for us to pick and choose who should come
We are the body of Christ!

If we are the body
Why aren't his arms reaching
Why aren't his hands healing
Why aren't his words teaching
If we are the body
Why aren't his feet going
Why is his love not showing them there is a way
Jesus is the way!

2011-05-09T12:56:00.003+08:00

We are pilgrims on the journey of the narrow road,
and those who've gone before us line the way
cheering on the faithful,
encouraging the weary,
our lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace.

surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses,
let us run the race not only for the prize.
but as those who've gone before us
let us leave to those behind us
the heritage of faithfulness passed on through Godly lives!

Oh, may all who come behind us find us faithful
may the fire of our devotion light the way
may the footprints that we leave
lead them to believe
and the lives we lead inspire them to obey
oh may all who come behind us find us faithful!

im back from my first Regenerate camp, feeling a deep sense of how God has really blessed me so richly through the people in the camp, and the bible studies and discussions.

i feel like a new person altogether! like i was really renewed and inspired by the Holy Spirit to act on the many insights that i had learnt! it was like a whole new church experience for me, being brought up in the same church for all my life.

i loved how despite our different backgrounds and our differences, we recognised that we were brothers and sisters of Christ, chosen by God, united as a body of Christ! and it wasnt by chance that we were meeting at this camp. i felt that somehow, i was able to open up better to the people in this camp, because we shared the same beliefs, and were all so eager to learn about God. i realised that so many others have been struggling with the same problems as me, and have overcome them with God's strength. the one-on-one talks, and the group discussions and sharing sessions were really a blessing, where i realised that God has provided us with each our own set of talents, were we can use it to benefit others around us as we fellowship and share and serve each other. i wished that camp would seriously last forever. i didnt want it to end, and i was so sad when i went home ):

i miss the christian fellowship that we had, despite having just known each other. it was so great how we could just talk about our lives to the person we had just met, and they would share about their's. and so much more encouraging to see that we face the same problems, the same struggles.

another thing that i found so amazing, was that the camp program didnt have games! it was lined up with 2 or 3 messages/discussions a day, but its not like we had any less fun, as some would think. we all enjoyed ourselves so much and were really thankful to God for this experience.

Better is one day in your courts, than thousands elsewhere!
i think ive began to understand this statement, because of the wonderful friendships forged on the basis of our unity in Christ against the attacks of the evil one.

the song above really struck me when i thought of it on the way home. i had to struggle to try to keep my tears in, because what i witnessed at camp was really coming from the "fire of their devotions" and how i was inspired to obey.
"cheering on the faithful, encouraging the weary, our lives a stirring testament to God's sustaining grace"

THANK YOU LORD!

2011-03-01T22:53:00.003+08:00

She loves her momma's lemonade
Hates the sounds that goodbyes make
She prays one day she'll find someone to need her
She swears that there's no difference between the lies and compliments
It's all the same if everybody leaves her

And every magazine tells her she's not good enough
The pictures that she sees makes her cry

She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

She's giving boys what they want
Tries to act so nonchalant
Afraid they'll see that she's lost her direction
She never stays the same for long
Assuming that she'll get it wrong
Perfect only in her imperfection

She's not a drama queen
She doesn't wanna feel this way
Only 17 and tired, yeah

She would change everything for happy ever after
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home

She's just the way she is
But no one's told her that's okay

She would change everything, everything, just ask her
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster

She would change everything for happy ever after
Caught in the in between of beautiful disaster
She just needs someone to take her home
She just needs someone to take her home

2011-01-03T16:07:00.002+08:00

(:
its 2011 already! sure feels the same to me as any other year..
the new year and countdowns and parties have always been overrated: just another excuse to celebrate!
i made a resolution.. the same one that i have been making for the past few years, sadly i was unable to see it through for every one of those years.. i hope this year will be different, because i feel different, and more focused! (:
all those other years, i was being so short-sighted, doing it half-heartedly and with the wrong motivations. so now that ive straightened it out somewhat, im praying that it God will see it through (:

had an awesome talk yesterday (: really put my life and its priorities into perspective! i thank God for the encouragement of my brothers and sisters in Christ!!
i want to be effective for Christ, and in order for that, i need to be a ready vessel for Him. im going to start anew this year, i want to live for Him more and more each day, and if it is His will, bring my friend to church! thank God for giving me the courage(: pray for me!

Blessed is the man,
the man who does not walk
in the counsel of the wicked,
blessed is that man.
He is like a tree,
a tree that flourishes
being planted by the water.
blessed is that man.

But his delight,
by day and night
is the law of God almighty!

2010-11-13T01:41:00.000+08:00

yes, i sure am gonna miss you when im gone.

2010-10-01T16:09:00.002+08:00

You are the only exception

When I was younger
I saw my daddy cry
And curse at the wind
He broke his own heart
And I watched
As he tried to reassemble it

And my momma swore that
She would never let herself forget
And that was the day that I promised
I'd never sing of love
If it does not exist

But darling,
You, are, the only exception

Maybe I know, somewhere
Deep in my soul
That love never lasts
And we've got to find other ways
To make it alone
Keep a straight face

And I've always lived like this
Keeping a comfortable, distance
And up until now
I had sworn to myself that I'm
Content with loneliness

Because none of it was ever worth the risk

Well, You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception
You, are, the only exception

I've got a tight grip on reality
But I can't
Let go of what's in front of me here
I know you're leaving
In the morning, when you wake up
Leave me with some kind of proof it's not a dream

Ohh---

You, are, the only exception

And I'm on my way to believing
Oh, And I'm on my way to believing

2010-08-06T12:34:00.002+08:00

heehees hi!!

i drove on the roads on my 3rd driving lesson! im so extremely proud of myself :D i'm going for my forth driving lesson lateer today at 3, hope i impress the instructor such that he gives me a lisense immediately! hehehe :P

anywayssssssss, i finally got my lappie!! its a hp envy15 (which looks like a striking resemblence of the macbook pro) hahaha (:
the difference is that instead of the apple picture, theres a small hp logo in the corner AND the specifications of mine are SO MUCH BETTER than apple's (: yay me! who said it was impossible to have the best of both worlds? (:

i think im becoming an INDEPENDENT WOMAN :D i took public transport to nus for the first time, and may i say, i think i did quite well for my first try! :D the only thing was that i dropped off one stop before the right stop. so i had to walk. but i was early anyway (:

ice skatingggg outing with sushi (my archi orientation group)!!! i went for the first time yesterday! call me deprived or one with no childhood or whatever, but i had fun! at first i was like clinging on to the sides of the rink, and even had trouble walking on the rubber ground outside the rink with the shoes. after getting used to it, i went round and round the rink without holding the sides! (: i didnt fall down either! thinking about it just makes me super proud of myself (:
there were iceskating lessons taking place at the rink at that time, and practice routines. but good thing no one knocked into me eventhough i was going quite slowly. then this guy came up to me and said in a nice way "i noticed you have been going at this speed for quite some time already. why dont you try to go a little faster?" apparently he was one of the trainers teaching a small group of teens my age. he looked like my age, so i marvelled at his ability to teach others skating. he tried to teach me to go a little faster, and i did! just a few cm/s faster haha. improvement nonetheless! i told him it was my first time, and he said "oh, then youre not bad for your first try! the first timers that i teach keep falling down!" hehe. that made me happy (:

kay, im gonna go prepare for driving.. i'll post again soon (: see ya!

waist deep in thought because when i think of you, i don't feel so alone

2010-07-16T00:10:00.002+08:00

lasttttt day of work tomorrow!
i feel kinda bad for the next person replacing me. i will be leaving a whole bunch of filing for her! its IMPOSSIBLE to finish filing man!

a random thing that i found out today: i realised that my face has AGED significantly since a few years back! looking at facebook pictures, my face has morphed to become longer, and bigger, and older.
eeks. its scary how looks can change without one noticing.
oh mannn. i dont even want to imagine what i would look like in 20 years time.

on a side note, i signed up for driving lessons! havent actually gone behind the wheel yet, but just the thought of me driving around in a cute little car has really got me excitedd!
now i feel like playing race car games hehe

okay going to sleepzzz. zzz.

2010-07-11T23:48:00.002+08:00

hi!

i recently attended a briefing for nus students on how to go about doing the silly bidding thing that nus students have to do.
it was confusing, to say the least.
it left me wondering after the talk: WHO in the world created this extremely complicated system man! bidding, balloting, CORS, IVLE.. i was tired just listening to the talk! heh

my new friend from vcf who was also in archi had actually told me about this talk (i have no idea why i didnt know about it). she had attended the SDE camp before the vcf camp, so she had a whole group of og mates to hang out with. so i stuck with her and her og, and another girl i knew from vcf.
i dont know why, but i have this fear of sitting along in huge lecture halls hahaha. i wont be able to concentrate at all, cos i would be thinking about what other people may be thinking about this loner of a girl. so i guess i have to thank God for friends who were there with me (:
i also met some of my secondary sch friends!! they are really nice people and i have a feeling, im going to enjoy my time in archi (the time with my friends at least) (:

anyway, after the talk, we just hung around and started chatting. my friend had to rush off, so i was left with the group and my friends og. they were really nice at first, but then they started talking about this weird guy in their group (who had "something wrong with him" in their opinion)
the conversation evolved to be a gossip session about how the guy volunteered himself to join a pageant of sorts, and did other weird things. they said that if you see this guy by the name of ______, AVOID HIM at all costs!
as they were saying these mean things about him, i remembered how my friend had introduced me to her og: the friend that she had made from VCF camp
and i thought about how my testimony would have been if i had contributed to the gossip, or shown any approval for what they were saying.
and earlier on, there was this guy who kept saying the F word. it was really natural, crafted very nicely into his sentences. it was not like he was angry or anything, just using the F word in replacement of the word 'very'. it really shocked me, but the people around didnt seem as stunned as i was. it was probably... very natural to them.

it was then that i truly realised how sheltered i've been these past years of my life. i was never really exposed to such things, having grown up in a Christian environment up till secondary school, and moving on to a very mild school, Nanyang JC. i kinda feel like ive been thrown into this new place, which seems so unfamiliar, and where i dont quite fit in.

i guess the song "We are pilgrims on the journey of the narrow road" is really apt for where i am right now. i pray that i will hold fast to all my beliefs without compromising, looking to earning favour with God over man.
being the extremely short-sighted person that i am, i know that i may lose sight of the things that truly matter over the next few years, but i pray that God will prod me back onto the right path each time that i go astray.

2010-07-08T21:00:00.002+08:00

dare to be different!
dare to be daniel!

that was the theme of the vcf camp that i attended this week from monday to thursday (:
vcf (varsity christian fellowship) is actually a club in nus that i'm intending to join when school reopens

im really glad that i went for it! not only did i make some new friends, i learnt a lot about living our lives as salt and light of the world! (salt and light of nus, in my case)
i was about living our lives as "little Christs", remembering that our actions are being watched, so that we may not disgrace the name of the Lord.

perhaps i may have already known this for a while, but it served as a great reminder for me to seek favour with God over favour with man! (:

of course, its easy for me to say.. doing it will be a different issue! do pray for me, that i will perservere in being a living testimony for Him who loves me and died for me (:

2010-06-26T14:43:00.003+08:00

WARNING: EMO POST BELOW.

i've been looking forward to today for the whole of the past week. but now that its here, i'm not as excited as i pictured myself being..

im just feeling a little emo. its one of those days.. where you just feel emo for no reason and think a lot. its not a bad thing though. i like being emo once in a while

i feel like listening to some songs.

on days like this, i like to listen to love songs, and picture myself as the girl who is happy in love. haha. i sound so pathetic.

i just need to get over myself... and my insecurities. it sucks to not be as beautiful, as talented and as interesting as others. but i guess, thats just who i am. the girl that no one notices.

but you know that i'll be there for you, if you need a listening ear.. though i may not be the best advice-giver, at least i'll try :P

yeah. anyway thanks for reading.
im sorry if i made you feel emo too or something.
i just needed some place to write it all down.

someday we'll know

2010-06-23T20:03:00.002+08:00

this week is creeping by SLOOWWWWLLYYYYYY. monday felt like thursday, and tuesday like friday!! GAH. cheat my feelings!

i went for a tea session for architecture on sat. i was ALL ALONE. like some loner! but i didnt mind that much (somehow)
after that talk, im soooo looking forward to starting sch in august (: i thank God for that (:

i wish i could go to bangkok BEFORE sch starts though! they've got MASSIVE sales and i want to be part of it. hee.

everyones at church camp now, while im stuck in singapore working! humph..
just a while more, jamie...

that reminds me.. i signed up for archi/id camp! im pretty excited, cos the theme is: I Survived A Japanese Camp Show! heehee so fun right! maybe i'll bring my camera! :P

speaking of cameras, i just realised that i couldnt find my lomo camera!! it was not hanging on the hook in my wardrobe! then i realised that it was in my bag... silly me. but NOW, i cant find my flash colours. i want to use it for the last few shots in my lomo so i can develop 3 rolls at one shot. my bangkok photos and other randoms are still in there and not developed yet! haha. i hope they didnt get overexposed inside the canister.

ive been talking to myself a lot lately.. at work, we work with blk nos. and unit nos. so occasionally i would catch myself mumbling some numbers like some deranged person.
also, april's in camp now, and mum sleeps real early! so theres no one to talk to.
sad life, i know.

boredom is killing me. ive got to find something to occupy my time before i explode! any ideas? :P

2010-06-15T00:52:00.002+08:00

my new favourite song! :D
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jWi-65mP32Q

work is mean!
it keeps causing me to miss outings!
by right, tmr i'm supposed to go to malaysia!
thursday, theres a yf outing to jurong east swimming pool!
tmr, theres hannah's lunch outing!!
):

well, looking on the BRIGHT side, i'm gonna get a laptop soon!! (: i have a feeling it will be either lenovo (1st choice), acer/asus (2nd choice), fujitsu? (3rd choice). nope, no apple! it seems that the software for architecture is hard to get for macs.

sigh i miss yf retreat so much! i miss how i learnt so many things about my Christian walk with God. i miss waking up to a whole bunch of girls that i love dearly :) i miss sharing sessions and fellowship.. i miss worshipping God in song with fellow believers! i miss my friends who never fail to make me smile :) i thank God for the camp committee and for His guidance in planning and carrying out this retreat!

i was recently asked to be part of the camp committee for december's yf camp. this has caused me to have mixed feelings.
for one, im happy that i God has provided me with an opportunity to serve him and serve others.
however, i dont think im up to it. i was never the type that could generate the coolest ideas for games or workshops. planning is really not my thing :/ the last time i was in a committee, i really thought that God was telling me that i was not suited for leadership roles. i felt totally useless. i'll pray about it. pray for me too ok? (:
its getting late. got to go do QT and sleep!
byeee

2010-06-07T22:19:00.003+08:00

IM IN A DILEMMA D:

which should i choose???
going to malaysia with family and friends? or working?

the answer may seem obvious to some of you, but ITS REALLY IS NOT THAT SIMPLE.

let me give you the background information:
my boss said that temp staff are not allowed to take leave so often (as i arranged to take leave for yd retreat, and then the following tuesday - thurs, i was supposed to go to malaysia). so, IF i go to malaysia, i'll probably be fired. ): so serious, i know.
i also have an upcoming cf camp (5th -8th july). im quite sure that they will not be very happy with me if i ask for leave on 3 occasions.. but i really want to attend this one.

ok here are the full details of option 1 (weighing the pros and cons of going to malaysia):
Pros:
-a 3 day well-deserved break at a coastal place in malaysia
-lots of free time to play before uni starts! (cos i'll get fired)
Cons:
-not much shopping at the place that we're going to
-i will be FIRED from my job with immediate effect -> meaning no $$
-i wont be able let my bunnies out to run for 3 days
-too much free time! (yes, there is such a thing as that)

and for option 2 (continue working):
Pros:
-approx. an extra $960 in my pockets
-free money, cos work doesnt feel like work at all! (:
-i get to take care of my bunnies
-perfect amount of time to rest before uni begins
Cons:
-missing out on all the fun with friends and family ):
-home alone!! -> meaning that i have to take care of all my own meals! and wake up by myself, and take public transport!
-i'll have to take leave AGAIN for the cf camp, which may potentially lead to me being FIRED in the first week of july (and not forgetting to mention, annoyed employers!)

hmmmmmmmmmmmmm. ): if only making decisions was easy...
i realised that this table does not take into consideration the intensity of pros and cons
eg. well deserved break > not being able to let bunnies out to play

...

...

...

i think i know what to do now. after lots of mental inequalities (< and >), i think i'm gonna skip the malaysia trip :/
its a really big compromise, but i figured that i can have more fun in retreat to make up for not going to malaysia! and cf camp will definitely be fun too! (:
yeah, thats what i'll do.

yay for ranting and talking to myself! i cant believe it actually helped me to make up my mind! (:

2010-06-07T00:20:00.003+08:00

i love nights like these..
its so quiet and cooling...
(:

family gathering today was really nostalgic for me! i remember how we used to play monster rancher and gran turismo and other old school games on the playstation everytime it was at julia's house! today we played gran turismo, haha but the cd was so old that it could only play in black and white! it was quite hard to play the night tracks cos the screen was practically black!

it really brought back so many memories, of how i used to sit on shaun's back and make him act like a hamster chasing after a carrot! HAHAA :D the funny thing was that he would always do it when i asked him to.. awww.. (:

remember how we would use all the different cds to generate the coolest monsters on monster rancher!! like the jelly dinosaur! i really liked it when it swam, cos it would totally disappear into the water cos the jelly was blue! hehe. and how when it was mealtime, we would always give potato cos it was the cheapest food! hahaha. 10 coins only!! haha and and how we would all laugh when the monster bit the bird which dropped the food! good times, good times.. (:

i really treasure all the times i shared with my cuzzies! best cuzzies in the world (: i love you guys ♥

wherever you go, always know
you make me smile, even just for a while.

(:

2010-06-05T22:10:00.004+08:00

everytime i watch a documentary about global warming, i get really emo ):

and i also realised that i'm really frightened of the open sea! its soo.... dark blue.. its like, you dont know whats lurking below, and anything could just drag you down into the water!

thats just a very random comment. haha (:

today, i realised how much i miss christian fellowship.
i dont feel like i have very much of it, even though i go for yf every week!
as i was walking to church, i pictured how it used to be: the older youths would not need to be forced to go up to the younger ones and make them feel more at home. they would do it willingly, whenever they saw a shy one sitting in a corner. when it came to group sharing, we would talk about our stuggles in our walk with God, and not just about what happened in our week! we would pray for each other.
i feel like we are slowly losing our bond in Christ, which really saddens me. worship sessions have become increasingly quiet. im not too sure why, because since we all love God, shouldnt we sing to Him at the top of our voices in gratitude to Him? why are we so reluctant to sing praises, and yet when it comes to comtemporary songs, like the new song we heard on the radio, we sing it with such enjoyment and volume?
what we are missing, is our focus on Christ alone! i feel that yf shouldnt solely be a place where friends get together just to hang out. afterall, arent we called to be set apart and different from the world?
"But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people belonging to God, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light" - 1 Peter 2:9

yf retreat is coming. its this week in fact! theme is 'Christ's love compels us'. its really apt, and i thank God for that, and i'm praying that He will speak to everyone of us, be it through the messages, songs sung, or maybe even through christian fellowship! (:
im really looking forward to it (: i hope you all are too (:

2010-06-03T21:16:00.002+08:00

EARTHHQUAKKEEEEE!!

no, i'm not talking about the game about trees and squirrels!

while i was sitting in my office on the 32nd floor, i suddenly felt my chair shaking. it wasnt an obvious tremor. kinda like someone just kicked my chair a wee bit. but i knew that NO ONE could have kicked my chair, cos there was no one nearby.
so therefore, i conclude, that it was an earthquake!

i wonder how come it isnt in the news yet though!
WELL, it will be SOON. (:
and if it is, im the one who told you the news first! :D

work has been good, though it seems that the day passes fast, but the week passes slow!!!!
makes sense?
doesnt to me either..
:P

i lurvvvvvvveeee my paycheck! i feel like an independent adult now!!
i think i've become more mature too!!
i totally think so!
what do you think? (:

hey, if you are free right now, why dont you click this link! (:
http://www.facebook.com/tolovewithyourlove#!/photo.php?pid=5854318&id=96921045375
its a picture of pumpkin in a big bowl!
isnt she adorable!! :D
it would be great if you could help me 'like' the photo! so you may have a chance to see her featured in a magazine! (:
hehe.
i love my pumpkin! and marshmellow too of course! (: (:

2010-05-27T01:42:00.000+08:00

am i only dreaming?

2010-05-21T20:11:00.002+08:00

why is there nothing to watch on friday nights??

im stuck at home watching barbie.
but its quite funny actually! i 'lol'ed at the part she was singing a song about getting ready for the ball! and the mice run funny. hahhahaha

its been a long time since i last blogged, and so many things have happened since then!
first things first, i got into architecture in NUS! :D
i dont want to think about my other options, and what may have come out of them. i just need faith to trust in His will.

secondly, i got 2 new bunnies! :D :D
marshmellow is the white bunny, and pumpkin is the smaller orange one. (:
i love my bunnies so so much :D
and i hope they love me too (:
when my family came over to my house for potluck, the cousins were taking so many cute pictures of pumpkin!
pumpkin the jedi, cos they wrapped her up in a towel, with her tiny head popping out. she seemed to like it, cos she was sitting so still!
i could tell krista really liked pumpkin, cos she was so reluctant to put her back in her cage.
I LOVE MY PUMPKIN! shes the one in my facebook profile pic (:

also, i want to i thank God for friends! they make work so much less boring :P

can't use facebook during work hours, so my mousehunt account is dying! but im RICH. you know why? because theodore quit mousehunt, so he gave me all his gold! THANKS MAN.

im thinking of joining one of the camps for nus.. which one? im not sure yet.
i was thinking of going for the cf one, or maybe the school of design and environment one?
or maybe one from another faculty?
but that will be kinda pointless, cos i probably wont see them around much.
big jon said that he has never seen a architecture student in sch, because they are always in the studio working really hard :/ and i'll be doing that for the NEXT 5 YEARS. wow.
goodbye fun. goodbye non-architecture friends. goodbye world!

however, im kinda looking forward to uni.. a new beginning, new friends, new environment! maybe i'll like it there.. (:

2010-05-13T23:28:00.002+08:00

sillyy...
you're silly.
i like silly (:

here comes the sun, and i say, it's alright

2010-05-09T16:12:00.003+08:00

I want to serve the purpose of God
in my generation
I want to serve the purpose of God
while I'm alive
I want to give my life
for something that will last forever
Oh, I delight, I delight to do Your will!

2010-05-02T13:18:00.005+08:00

i had a very fruitful weekend. (:

i missed my og outing to go to yf. i would have very much liked to meet up with my friends to catch up, but i dont regret going to church one bit!

we had workshops on saturday. the one thing that really stood out to me was nikki's station.
we were divided into girls and boys and were shown 2 videos. no actually, the guys were shown a video, and the girls were shown a picture of a runway with a series of different clothings, and we were supposed to choose which outfit we would most probably wear. some of the looks were really outrageous, and many of us were struggling to choose which one we would be willing to wear! haha.
so after that, we shared which one we chose, and why. like what is our criteria for choosing clothes. it was.. interesting.. (:
i have always had problems with how i looked, and i can say, its been an obsession.. i spend extended periods of time picking out what to wear everyday. and most of the time, i ask april to help me to pick out something, because i just cant decide! how i wish i were one of those girls who dont really care about their looks, and are comfortable with who they are..
i realised that this obsession of mine is really a useless one. the fact is most people dont even remember what you wear, and it rarely affects them in any way! dressing up has actually been for me to feel more confident about myself. as long as i am comfortable with what i wear, i will feel better about myself. (:

im so glad i realised this, and today, dressing up for church on sunday wasnt as much of a headache as it used to be (: thank God! (:
p.s.: those who attended nikki's station would probably realise that that wasnt actually the main point of the workshop, but i guess God can work in mysterious ways!

the sermon on sunday was an interesting one too. it was about figuring out our life's purpose in a way that would glorify God. i was thinking about my path in architecture, and how i would be able to use it to glorify Him and spread the gospel. then suddenly, i felt that studying had meaning, and that all my studying will not just be for earthly gain, but i could use it to help win souls for Christ. i understand the life of a missionary/ those who want to serve God will be a tough one. im praying for God's strength to empower me to do His work and not lose sight of the things that matter.

the closing song was really appropriate:

O Zion, haste, thy mission high fulfilling,
to tell to all the world that God is light,
that he who made all nations is not willing
one soul should perish, lost in shades of night.

Refrain:
Publish glad tidings, tidings of peace;
tidings of Jesus, redemption and release.

Behold how many thousands still are lying
bound in the darksome prisonhouse of sin,
with none to tell them of the Savior's dying,
or of the life he died for them to win.
(Refrain)

Proclaim to every people, tongue, and nation
that God, in whom they live and move, is love;
tell how he stooped to save his lost creation,
and died on earth that we might live above.
(Refrain)

Give of thine own to bear the message glorious;
give of thy wealth to speed them on their way;
pour out thy soul for them in prayer victorious;
O Zion, haste to bring the brighter day.

here's an interesting quote that was brought up:
'He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose.'- Jim Elliot

2010-05-01T14:49:00.001+08:00

2 AM and she calls me 'cause I'm still awake,
"Can you help me unravel my latest mistake?,
I don't love him. Winter just wasn't my season"
Yeah we walk through the doors, so accusing their eyes
Like they have any right at all to criticize,
Hypocrites. You're all here for the very same reason

'Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button, girl.
So cradle your head in your hands
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss
"Just a day" he said down to the flask in his fist,
"Ain't been sober, since maybe October of last year."
Here in town you can tell he's been down for a while,
But, my God, it's so beautiful when the boy smiles,
Wanna hold him. Maybe I'll just sing about it.

Cause you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table.
No one can find the rewind button, boys,
So cradle your head in your hands,
And breathe... just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe

There's a light at each end of this tunnel,
You shout 'cause you're just as far in as you'll ever be out
And these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again
If you only try turning around.

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song
If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me,
Threatening the life it belongs to
And I feel like I'm naked in front of the crowd
Cause these words are my diary, screaming out loud
And I know that you'll use them, however you want to

But you can't jump the track, we're like cars on a cable,
And life's like an hourglass, glued to the table
No one can find the rewind button now
Sing it if you understand.
and breathe, just breathe
woah breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe,
Oh breathe, just breathe.

2010-04-20T11:11:00.002+08:00

im having second thoughts about architecture.. :S
ive been reading the forums, and it seems that the time spent is really not worth the pay of being an architect. we have to study at least 7 years before we can become practicing architects! and that is only if you are 'lucky'! most study for 8 years or more! im afraid..
im about to find out in about 45 mins whether i was shortlisted for an interview. even if i dont get an interview, it seems that some are accepted without the interview. so yeah.
maybe i was better off in science. maybe i wasnt suited for the arts.. D:
im confused...

'Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they?' Matthew 6:26

'If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith?' Matthew 6:30

'Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? Yet not one of will fall to the ground apart from the will of your Father.' Matthew 10:29

2010-04-18T00:50:00.002+08:00

just had my ARCHITECTURE APTITUDE TESTTTTTTTT!!! its a good thing that i read the forums so i roughly knew how it goes, or else, i would not have expected it at all!
ok it had 3 sections:
for the 1st question, they gave us a passage about some person's floor (lol), and we were supposed to make a 3D model representing the theme opposition. the passage was so abstract, i could not comprehend :/ they were talking about the floor like it was their prized possession, and i simply dont get it. what so special about parquet floor?!
for the 2nd question, we are supposed to draw something representing the same theme opposition. can be furniture, a city, buildings, etc.
i made a chair.
it was pathetic man! i chose to do opposition between the words "welcoming and prohibitory", so i did some chair, rounded at the bottom, with branches coming out from its sides (to represent prohibitory). it had this leg rest thing coming out from the seat, kinda like a tongue. really bad i tell you. it looked like a face!! hehe. then i ran out of material! cos they gave us 2 white papers and 1 black paper to make the model. so i randomly cut out shapes from the scraps and started sticking it, to add some colour.
to tell you the truth, it looked like some primary sch kid's art and craft project!
i was so embarrassed of it, i kept trying to cover it with my question paper. hahah. thankfully we didnt have to hand it in personally, or i'll just die of embarrasment. we just had to leave it on the table and leave the hall. i hope the markers dont laugh at my 'masterpiece'! hehe.
who knows, maybe they may think its some super abstract thing, and give me points for creativity? hahahaha. wishful thinking.
anyway, for the 3rd and last question, we had to write 50 words on what we understood about the persons floor, and opposition. thank God i managed to squeeze out 50 words of a very generic answer. mostly made up stuff haha. hope it works. :P

for yf, we had WET GAMES! it wasnt as fun as i pictured it would be, and i kinda felt quite bad cos my grp had to carry me and a big pool of water to the finish line. i think i gained a few kgs over the past few months, and that wasnt too good for my group. heh. :P

and we played FLOORRBALL againn (:
this is starting to become a good bonding game for yfers (: so much better than captains ball (BOOO.)

tomorrows gonna be fun cos we are having a surprise birthday partae for my yd teachers!! elsa, johsi and tracie made cupcakes! it was a success! (: cant wait to see the looks on their faces (:
i hope they dont read this before the partae though. but i think its quite safe. and quite late.
i have a knack of ruining surprises, cos i always send the secret message to the birthday girl :/ no not on purpose!

kayzxzx,. ive gotta go choose clothes, do my QT and sleep. tmr i have to wake up SUPER EARLY to make kong bak pao :D i make the best kong bak paos i tell you. :D
k bb peeps.

2010-04-16T12:24:00.002+08:00

what can i say? i was never a good comforter.. it annoys me that i can never find the right words to say, to make it all better.. ): God please help me.

ive never been in love, cos love is just too strong a word. if i compare what i call 'love' to Christ's love, it will fall short tremendously. maybe ive had a few crushes here and there, but nothing close to 'love'.
but even if ive never had romantic love, i sometimes wonder, why does God allow us to go through heartbreak? its terrible and just plain suffering.

but maybe heartbreak may actually have a purpose. perhaps it is God's way of showing us how unrealiable and fickle our human relationships can be, and looking to them alone will only cause more disappointment. He could be trying to show us that His love is unchanging and immeasurable, even in the midst of our imperfections, and that He loves us far greater than any man/woman can. His love is the most perfect love of all, and im so priviledged to be a recipient of His love (: so there IS someone out there who loves me! its my Lord (:

and as the song goes:

His love is brighter than the brightest sunshine, softer than a sigh. His love is deeper than the deepest ocean, wider than the sky. His love is brighter than the brightest star that shines every night above, and there is nothing in the world that could ever change His love.

(:

2010-04-12T23:35:00.002+08:00

eww eww eww. that is just eeky and gross. its so annoying but it sure makes me happy to be single :D why do you have to be soooo grosssss. ):

youre not the same person that i knew, because youve changed. you really dont have to be someone that you are not. what good will it do for you? i dont want to hurt you, i just wish that things were back to how they were.

i did the usual slacking thing today. whats new? this is really getting out of hand. my priorities are completely screwed up, and i cant seem to get anything done. i need a job! i think ive said that phrase over 10 times, but i havent really dont anything about it! i wish a job would just drop down from the sky, in front of me. :P ahh. thats laziness talking.

tomorrow my class is having an outing cos the army guys have holidays. but guess what? if i go, i'll probably be the only girl attending -.-' cos all the non-army peeps are busybees (either working or busy). i think im the only slacker. (except prae too, but she aint in singapore) oh wells. should i go? it'll be awkward being the only girl, but my boredom is killing me. :P perhaps i'll bring the camera! that'll be fun. but i'll have to find it first. i bet its hidden somewhere collecting dust...

2010-04-12T00:25:00.002+08:00

im going to see a bunny tomorrow! its a white one, thats only 8 days old! i hope its cute, cos its quite a rare type (cos its eyes arent red and scary) '
argh i have no idea why all the cute bunny sellers live in super far places like woodlands and tampines -.-
but i wont be able to take it home yet, cos i'll have to wait till its 6-8 weeks old, before they can separate it from its mother. im still happy though!

i got shortlisted for an aptitude test from the architecture department in NUS :D
theres a high chance i wont get in, and a tiny chance that i'll be able to scrape through. who knows. i just want to leave it to God, and have FAITH in God's Will.

today for yd, we had no programme, so we discussed the message. then we started talking about FAITH. i never knew it was such a deep thing. anyway, for the benefit of those who werent present at yd, here are some cool things that i learnt. not sure whether i remembered them correctly, but feel free to correct me :P

firstly, a person with "faith like a mustard seed" is different from a person with more faith, in that the person with more faith doubts less. its impossible not to doubt at all as we are only human, but as our faith grows, we will start to doubt less and less.

secondly, i asked the question of whats the difference between faith and blind belief. this was a tough one, and i think i still dont know the answer. i think amanda said the answer, but i got distracted :S please tell me the answer if you know it yea? (:

we also talked about religions, and how other religions compare to Christianity. it is really such an interesting topic, and i would love to read more about it. it would be nice if yf could spend some time discussing these topics, as i think that most of the youths probably dont know that much about other religions. ok, or maybe thats just me :S

anyway, i felt happy cos i felt it was a fruitful time spent at church. i think its the feeling of christian fellowship and learning together that makes me happy. i wish i had church EVERYDAY :D

sigh. this architecture thing has been high on my mind these days, and i feel totally unprepared for switching from a science stream to an art course. seems like perhaps i'll be one of those year 3 dropouts. eek. ): so i started practicing to draw. i started with trying to draw megan fox (hehe). cos shes so pretty, even if i draw her wrongly, she'll still look pretty. the result was: just a pretty lady, who only slightly resembles megan fox D:
at least i gave it a try.
but i find that the FUNNEST thing about drawing faces is drawing the eyebrows! so fun. i love drawing nicely shaped eyebrows.

i decided to try again, so i drew this super cute girl. shes really super cute okay! i love her long eyelashes (: turned out quite nice, im quite proud of it (: did not look exactly like her, but it was an improvement. its really fun to draw faces hehe. what a pity, architecture isnt about drawing faces ..

maybe i'll draw the esplanade sometime? haha. that'll take a while.

2010-04-11T00:09:00.003+08:00

marina barrage!! :D
what a beautiful place! its PERFECT for flying kites! the next time i go, i'll buy a huge 3D rabbit kite! it'll totally beat the huge whale kite we saw.. hehe :D

so we sat around in the grass, trying to ignore the dark clouds above us.. until thunder + lightning! argh. no choice, we took shelter below.

then we sat there watching this group of middle aged people playing yf games! like passing-the-ball-with-the-spoon-in-the-mouth game. haha! more like junior yf games.. :P

then suddenly, the sun came out!! :D so we went upstairs to FLY KITES AGAIN! and we did silly jump shots hahaha. never knew taking photos could be so fun!
well, its only fun when you can only see the sillouettes and NO CLOSEUPS PLEASE (:

then after all the fun, and only cos mersa's camera ran out of battery, we headed downstairs to look for dinner, but decided to play in the fountains instead!! we were kicking water at each other, going through water tunnels and getting drenched! i wouldve wanted to play more, but i was wearing white, so i had to control myself.

in the end, it was too late to have dinner together(haha), so we decided to head home. oh wells/ dinner would have been nice.

in the end, i didnt even eat dinner cos i was just too lazy. heh. lazy, NOT ANOEREXIC. haha

its nice how God sometimes cheers me up by sending people down my way. i was really surprised! flattered to say the least. (: although it may not mean much to others, it really made my day.. thank you God! (:

2010-04-08T23:30:00.002+08:00

aww. the bunny seller changed her mind and decided not to sell the bunny cos it was too cute ):
i wish i had a bunny to cuddle right nowwww
i need a hug.. ):
i screwed up my scholarship interview today.. i just felt like burrying my face cos i was talking nonsense :S i'm feeling quite discouraged now. the interview that i thought went well wasnt good enough, while the one today will definitely not be good enough. oh well.. maybe im just not 'scholar-material'.
i just hope that i'll do well in the architecture selection test so i can get in. it seems that the intake is not as little as i expected! 150+ peeps. so yeah. maybe i have a chance of getting in? i just want to leave this to God, and if i dont get in, i'll just let it be.
but even though i say that i want to leave it to God, i really dont understand why a part of me still feels down.
maybe because i hate to feel like im not good enough?
yeah. thats probably it.

PRAY JAMIE.

yeah i needa pray.. its been a while. :S

well, tomorrow will be a better day.. its the marina barrage outing with a small grp of yfers! im sure i'll be fine by tmr. i bet when i wake up, i wont even remember that i was feeling sad today :) yes, my memory is not very good.

i feel like going on a cruise to somewhere... to the maldives!! oh i wish i was thereeeee. with my little bunny. called patches. who is orange. with white spots. yea. (:

2010-04-06T13:07:00.005+08:00

i loveee bunny shopping! :D

seeing all those cute little bunnies all cuddled up in the pet shops, i feel like squishing their cheeks!

ive been searching the internet for people selling their baby dwarf bunnies, and tomorrow, i will be viewing one of them! im SOO EXCITEDDDDD
i hope its a shy bunny that isnt crazily hyperactive...

you wanna see a picture??

isnt she the cutest thing everrr :P

i bet youre JEALOUS. hehe
then you should get a bunny too, and our bunnies can be friends! (:

i cant wait for tomorrow! :D

2010-04-01T23:03:00.002+08:00

phew! what a day!!
i did many things today! much more than the usual slacking and sleeping! heh. :P

i started off today writing my NUS scholarship essay which was due today. took quite a long time, and i asked my mum to correct it while i went to take a bath. when i came back, i saw that my mum had highlighted quite a few phrases for me to rethink.
my mum's memory is REAL BAD, so she couldnt even remember why she had highlighted the phrases!! HAHAHA. silly...

after that i went to school to collect my appraisal from mrs huang! shes so nice you know! i had just told her to help me write it last night, and she got it ready for me at 11am this morning.. i felt so scatterbrain okay! cos i had just found out from rebekah that i needed this appraisal thing, but i wasnt even sure for what, and what to bring to mrs huang. thank God that mrs huang had an extra copy of the form that she was supposed to fill up, and had filled up everything for me alrdy! :D knowing how clueless i was about this whole scholarship thing, she even helped me to get 2 extra envelopes from the office for submitting stuff! (she says she stole it from the office.. hehe) she was really nice about the whole thing, and didnt scold me like i thought she would... i cant imagine what i would do without mrs huang... (:

so after that, i had to go down personally to NUS to send in my application form, cos it was too late to be sent by mail (oops.) the whole journey to NUS was really nerve-wrecking, as i was LATEEEEEE!!! my mum was speeding like crazy, and braking suddenly (she was just as nervous as me, or maybe even more!). her crazy driving made me have a major headache, on top of being really stressed that if i were to miss this, i would not be accepted into NUS, and have to wait another year :P

i made a short prayer, that by some chance i would be able to submit it.

ok, so i arrived 20 mins after the closing time of the office of admissions. i was getting mentally prepared for bad news. not surprisingly, i saw this big sign at the couter "Office of Admissions closed for today". my heart SANK.
but then i saw this little note beside the door, "Application form submissions this way --->" there were mailboxes for the application forms!!!!!!! THANK GOD!
on hindsight, this was really a blessing from God. if i had missed it.. i really dont know what i would do!

well, that sums up my day!! i cant believe the day passed SO FAST! like it felt like 3 hrs!

tmr is good friday! im gonna be a good girl, and choose my clothes today, so that tmr i wont be late :D (well i HOPE i wont be late) :S

STEF IS COMING TO YF!!!! im sooo happeeeee cos i havent seen her in a lonnnggggggg, lonnnnngggggggggggggggggggggggggggg time.. :D
heeeeeeeeehhhhheeeeeeeeeeeeeee :D

i feel happyyyyyyyyy :D

2010-03-24T17:27:00.002+08:00

HEY :P
ok, so i've narrowed down my choices to 3 courses: architecture, chemistry, environmental engineering. :D
im so proud of myself!

the past few weeks have been tough, talking to different people about different courses, and making decisions that i'll carry along with me for the next decade or maybe more! kinda scares me.. :S

yes, i've been praying, but i find it hard, cos im still the one that has to fill in my uni course choices! i dont know which of them is my calling...
i pray that i'm following God's Will, even though im not too sure what that is at the moment.. D:

i've been thinking of my priorities these days, and thinking of what i want to achieve in life. i'd like a career that gives me time for myself, and for service in church. well that doesnt leave me with much choices i think. none of my choices above fulfil the criteria! D:
maybe i need to rethink my options, but i just feel so tired from deciding, and wondering, and worrying. it must be that i have too much free time! too much time to think.

see, kids, its not so fun to be free. staying up late doing nothing at all, waking up at 12, then lazing around until night comes.

i wish i had a job hahaha.

actually, i should get to doing application stuffs. instead of finding myself stressed out 20 mins before the deadline :S but i guess, i'll never learn! haha

i love just for laughs (singapore version)!!! hahaha its so funny mannnn. i find myself laughing like a fool all the time! my favourite one was the one with the funny looking guy sticking his head out of a toilet bowl. hahhaah. hilarious! everytime i see it, i cant help but chuckle. (:
that guy is so funnneeeeeyyyyyy. i want to get to know him sometime! hahaha.

oh oh and theres the recent one, the old lady who drops her knife! hahahahahahahahaha. i LOVE her acting man! HAHA. she totally fits the role. lol!

anyway, being quite a lonely person nowadays, ive decided that i want a RABBIT! :D you know the netherland dwarf rabbit? (go google it!) its sooooooo cute and tinyyyyy. i'll totally take care of it. but my mum doesnt believe me ): rabbits are seriously the cutest things! and they arent even that hard to take care of.. my mum allows me to have a cat or dog, but doesnt allow a rabbit? hahah. i dont get her logic! haha! arent bigger animals harder to take care of?
ohwelllllllll ):
haha. i think have animal phases! like i remember some years back, i wanted a cockatiel bird! like a parrot. haha. i remember i would borrow books about "how to care for your cockatiel", and how to teach it how to talk.
well, the cycle seems to have repeated itself, and now im totally in to rabbits! ive looked at sites for "rabbit care for beginners" and i think im all ready to own one! now its just trying to persuade mummy to buy one for meeee... tha hardest part actually!
hmmm. just a random thought, can you take rabbits for walks? like on a leash? i would very much love to do that! like take it for walks in the park, and let it eat some grass :D
I LOVE RABBITS!!!!!!! give me one. pleaseeeeeeee :P

2010-03-12T00:58:00.003+08:00

hey guys, thank you for your prayers, God has blessed me with grades good enough for uni and whatever course i wanna do. actually, i secretly hoped that i'd do a little worse, so that i'd have less options, and that would make deciding courses so much easier. but hey, i'm not complaining (:

hey all you out there who are perhaps less than satisfied with your grades. God has a far greater plan for you than you know, which He will reveal in time, so just trust in Him yeah? (:

ok so i was looking through the awfully THICK and HEAVY stack of brochures/ books that they gave on the day we collected out results. THERES SO MANY COURSES OUT THEREEEEE. D:
and the irony is that those books are there to help you. hahaha.
so what should i takeeee!!

business?
nah i hate econs.

nursing?
eek bio! ):

architecture?
i heard you needa portfolio. nope. dont have one.

teaching?
my mum doesnt want me to.

culinary arts?
argh. then i would have wasted my time in jc.

science?
hmmm..................... D: dont know!

so that leaves me with..........
nothing.

so much for having too many options! it sure makes me want to stop studying right NOW, and set up my own business, maybe a restaurant! or a little shop selling cool stuff heehee. thinking about it has made me all excited already (:

right now i got this song stuck in my head!
fire and rain by james/john/j____ something.

haha cant remember his name and surname! but i know his name is AWESOME cos it starts with a J. all names that start with a J are awesome dont you think? :D
oh except jabberwocky. haha. thats just a very unpleasant name.
jardine too. hahaha. its the name of some scholarship. reminds me of fish.

i recently watched little rascals, i loved how it brought back memories of the old times where my childhood friends would imitate Buckwheat : i've got two pickles, i've got two pickles, i've got two pickles today,hey,hey!
and other silly quotes.
ohh-tayy! :D

gotta go get some shut-eye. dont miss me too much yeh? just miss me a littllleeee bit, not totally dont miss me okayy!! hehe.
oh yes and please tag on my brand new tagboard. oo ive got an idea for a COMPETITION. hahaha. whoever tags second will win!! hehe. i'll even appreciate a simple 'hi/ how are you'.
no prizes though. :P

But I always thought that I'd see you again..-fire and rain

2010-03-01T12:08:00.002+08:00

BANGKOK WAS LIKE A DREAM (:
it was BY FAR the best shopping trip ive had so far hehe
i bought so many things you know. we went there with 3 luggages, and came back with 5! HAHA

i had so many dreams about bangkok last night! about phototaking in an ancient hideout, where tigers will attack you if you're not holding a red lantern. scary! i didnt have a red lantern!!
so i hid under a table. and aparently, tigers only attack people who climb up trees, and not those hidden under tables!

thai food is so good! i ate chicken for every meal hahahaha. but my FAV is the mango desserts. SO YUMZXZ!
oh this green curry that i ate was really good too!

my boss told me i dont need to go to work today, so i shall be staying home to unpack the luggage, which is the fun part (:

i thank God for the safe trip there and back, and for His provision for all my needs and more. it is very heartening to realise that even though i have failed in so many ways, yet He has never failed me.

2010-02-23T22:28:00.002+08:00

hello friends (:

this is jamie, who just passed my BEE TEE TEE (: oh yeah. for those who dont know, its the basic theory test for driving!

now i can get a license to drive ON THE ROADS (: soooo excitingggggggggggg!

i find that in many ways, im very much like a guy. i like cars (: hehe! a MINI COOPER or VOLKSWAGEN will do for me (: the cute beetle type you know!

oh yes, i'll be going to bangkok in a few days! im really excited. havent been on a plane for a long time. whats more, its an ALL GIRLS OUTING! how awesome is that?! :D
im gonna buy my whole lifetimes supply of clothes there (okay, not really)
anyone wants anything from there? or even from the airport? message me BEFORE 25TH FEB if you want me to get your stuff (: haha but DONT ask me to buy furniture or big boxes of stuff! i doubt it will fit into my luggage :/

im just saying... haha

ooh nooooesss. i just realised that i wont be able to SOUND THE HORN ON MOUSEHUNT FOR MANY DAYS!!!! how devastating D:
my restaurant in restaurant city will also cease to function!
noooooo...
haha see? another very "guy" characteristic that i have! im a computer addict! D8

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm..........
i think maybe i'll bring the comp to thailand? :D

(:

-jamie-

2010-02-22T00:42:00.000+08:00

HI. im back! hahahaha. after many (many) years. why dont i introduce myself? it just seems apt.
it sure feels like my blog has forgotten about my existence, but i have NOT! muahahaha.
hello alien bloggie and other random readers! (: im jamie ding si wen. age 18 this year. argh i mean 19. my hobbies are: reading and writing. (not). argh i have no hobbies mann! hmmmm............... i like collecting stickers, yeah. haha ok this intro is so lame

ok so you may ask, why did you decide to start blogging again? or, you may not ask that. but, just assuming that you asked that in your head, heres the answer.
i guess blogging is just a way i can sort out whats going on in that head of mine, like a place where i can put my emotions into words.

or maybe, im just plain bored. hahaha

anyway, bored or not, thats not the point. the point is that ive decided to blog. to come out of my little hermit shell, which i think is great so far (:

i shall not bore you all with the details of my boring life.. or maybe i WILL.... muahahaha.

ok, no i shant. thats just dumb, cos you can just stop reading anytime you feel like. hahahaha.

ok heres my summary of the past few years: enjoy!

January 2008
Day 1:
6:00-> i woke up
6:10-> i brushed my teeth
6.25-> i walked around in the living room looking for my school uniform.
6.45-> took a bath
7.45-> o no! late for school! *rushrush*
7.46-> put on socks, shoes, packed bag, take phone, wallet, ezlink card.
7.48-> jumped in car...
7.53-> eye-candied a passerby
8.00-> latelatelate...

...

JUST KIDDING. i bet you freaked out right. like " omy goodness! dont tell me shes gonna write down everything that happened in life for the past 2 years!?!?!?!?!?!?!? ive still got projects to finish/ tv to watch.. what if it goes on FOREVERRRR?! *cries* "

haha. wipe your tears young one, the worst part is over, believe me...

okok. i need to sleep soon. the past few nights, ive been sleeping really late, like 3am+ and the worst part, is that i was sleeping late doing silly things. call me addicted or whatever you may say, but i may actually have to agree with you on this. hahaha.
truth is, ive been sleeping late cos ive been carried away <3ing (hearting) pictures on www.weheartit.com
steffy stef stef introduced me to this site and i honestly think its brilliant! (: its really good if you are looking for pictures of random things, or just wanting to browse nice photos.. its mainly for girls though! its like gettyimages, but more for girls. i think you should check it out mannn, girl or not. hahaha. but dont get all crazy and start staying up super late just to heart things haha.

haha but theres this coooooooooooooooooool feature, which allows you to HEART things on other websites too!! like random websites! you just have to download their bookmarklet, and you can heart pictures whenever you see ones you like on other sites! then you can go back to weheartit.com, and see the images that are "on your heart" (: isnt that coooooooool. haha. its quite amusing i think. i tried hearting the google front page picture. just for fun. it works! (: and of course i "unhearted" it later on hahaha. lame? hahaha. well, these are the things i do in my spare time...

ive been having so much spare time lately! im currently waiting for A level results, and i found a job in a salad bar (: my first job!!! yayyyyy. i already got my first paycheck, but it wasnt as exciting a moment as i pictured it to be. hahaha. it was like, "oh. okay. thanks."

anyway, it seems that business is not doing too well, especially in the weeks following cny, so my boss has decided that i didnt need to come to work last week, and this week will probably be the same..
missing one week of work has let me realise how much i enjoy working there! maybe i really shall pursue further studies in setting up a food business in the future... haha no promises though!

ok anyway, if you are wondering, where are the links?? i just deleted them all (except april's and stef's) cos its been so many years, you may have deleted or changed your blog addresses, but if you wish to be on the list of links, just tell me your blog address okay! i'll be glad to add some names there... its really empty. oh ya. and that reminds me, that i gotta go get a new tagboard.. argh so troublesome. or in the words of my mum " so tlabbersome" hahaha.
i have a silly mummy (:

ok. i'll have more updates soon!
stay tuned!

heehee! (:

-jamie-

2009-09-19T03:09:00.000+08:00

its 3am.. and im wondering what im doing here. i think its been a year or two since ive been here.. just had a strange compulsion to come to my blog and write down everything im feeling now!

its funny how i come here with so many things in my head, and when i get down to writing, i cant figure out just what to say.

okay maybe i'll start with my feelings..

i thought a lot today, i was in a very contemplative mood haha. i had so much going on in my head, that i talked to april till 3am! i really love these sister talks, and its times like these that i really thank God for my family (: anyway, we just talked about life and the behaviour of people... i really like this topic! it makes me feel like i understand so much about how people are (cos i get to play 'miss know-it-all' cos april knows nuts about understanding people!), but yet there is so much that i dont know too!

i was also reminded of the many things that have been sitting in the back of my head, untouched for years, but somehow always seem to resurface when the rare opportunity of a heart to heart talk arises!

i love heart to heart talks (:
but it had to end, cos april was falling asleep on me! (am i that boring?!)

i wish i could just spend the rest of the night/ morning just laughing about the random things in life. i feel like, i'm me, when im around her (:

im just praying that if it was God's Will that i were to have a relationship that it would be just like this, as pure as this. where we would spend the whole night just talking about matters of the heart, and spiritual matters that we both face so that we can encourage each other, and both grow closer to God.

sigh...

like i told stef, when im feeling contemplative, i get so distracted that i cant study! and guess what? i just discovered that i cant sleep either. :S

i should get to sleep soon. i think im nuts cos the less i sleep the less tired i feel! like when i study till 4am and wake up at 7am, i feel so refreshed! and when i sleep at 10pm, and wake up at 7am, i feel very sleepy haha. i guess im strange in that way!

ok its 4am. great timing for me to sleep now! see you around, whoever you are. i dont even know why you are reading this, cos this blog has been dead for so long. yeah. i bet youre just some random person who happened to stumble across this page. anyway, have a nice day yeah? (:

2008-10-17T00:57:00.000+08:00

heheh. good news-----> I PROMOTED :D

it was a close shave. got just passes for most subjects and failed one.

GUESS?.................. CHINESE!!!!!!!!!!!! (duh)

my grades are as follows:
B D D D D S

not very sure though. cos i never can remember my marks correctly, and my chem marks is probably wrong.

my school is pretty dissapointing. are we that lousy? it seems that every other person i know did not promote... (except the ppl in my class). when i told yuan xi that most probably everyone in my class promote, he said that everyone in his class retain except 2 ppl!!

WOW.

Interesting. it surely proves something.

anyway, i had a funtime today in school :)
we had PW intensive haha.
it was fun when evelyn and i edited the wr together :) we had lots of laughs. not to mention she was a great help when i was tongue tied :) GO EVE :)
haha.
she said she had fun too :) sweet :)

so, the WR is finally complete. i feel a sense of accomplishment. and it feels great. :) also, my teacher commented that my groups wr was the only one in the class that was more or less completed!! im relieved that all my hard work and late nights paid off! :D

so now its OP and cheena time.
i just finished planning my OP script. im pretty nervous cos i think it sucks. haha. and i have to memorise it somemore! i bet i will get so nervous that ill just be reading off the paper! sighh!!

i just have to remind myself to BREATHE cos sometimes i forget (eve does that too okay!! im not the only weird one ahaha)
haha. i just remembered eve's new hairstyle today! haha! she said she had a pimple on her forehead so she had to pin up her hair (haha it works in the opposite for me! thats why my fringe is always down. not like it ever looks nice pinned up haha.) then everyone kept commenting on her hair, and using it in a negative way haha perhaps subconsciously?
eddie was saying to huihui: see la! your hair are like evelyns like that! good things you dont want to learn, bad things you learn (translated from chinese). WAH. this eddie ah.. blur king. evelyn got a shock ahaha but of course she took it light-heartedly. and we had a good laugh :P

alreights. sleepy time. not sleepy though. BOO.

i'll be seeing you in my dreams (:

-jamie-

2008-10-08T14:51:00.000+08:00

promos are finally ovvveeeerrrr!!!!!!!

haha yay!

my school is so unfair la. among my yd group, my exams start first (same as johsi) and end the latest (same as tracie)!! bummers

so today was the first day in a loooonnnngggg time that i wasnt rushing any studies or homework! YEAH! however, today i had to waste my time in school for a 2hr long PW lesson. and then i had to walk home in the scorching sun!! in the morning was bad enough mann. at 830am the sun shines directly in your eyes if you are walking towards NYJC. really. walking home wasnt that much of a torture mainly because i occupied myself eating my granola bar i brought to school and forgot to eat. YUM! :P

ok. so after i came home, i ate a packet of cup noodles in front of the tv. i realised that during the exam period, i eat really unhealthy things. i think just in 2 weeks, i gained 1kg!! i was seriously shocked. actually i dont really think that the junk food is the main cause (cos eating junk is what i normally do), but i think that its cos i can sit on my bed the whole day and not move much! heheh. like a bed potato. with eeky buds in it.

yeah. anyway i watched a whole lot of tv, and got bored. so im using the com now. haha. i think i should start on my PW stuff soon though. WOW school stuff is really neverending!

the past few nights i managed to get much more sleep cos the last few papers was MCQ. and i dreamt MANY MANY dreams! haha. one of the nights, i dreamt 3 different dreams! haha. i think it was cos i was studying and then i fell asleep for a few hours and then i woke up to study again, and then i fell asleep for one hour and then another hour after that. haha.

i was trying to rememebr the dreams and i did! at least for 2 of them. but now i only remember one. haha. these dreams tend to slip away so easily huh! i remember that the dreams were so vivid, and so REAL. when i woke up, i was in a state of wondering whether it was just a dream, or did it really happen! though it would have been fun if it actually DID happen. haha.

this exam period really brought some things out in the open for me. im really touched, yet im so scared. nah. i wont let it affect me. i wish it did, but i know it shouldnt, y'know? haha. i dont think anyone will get me on this haha.

actually, i kept an exam log for my feelings during the exam period but i think i shant type it out here cos its just too long. ahaha. and i dont think anyone will really be interested so i shall save all of you the torture! haha! ok i have to get busy with PW now. i hope i can update my blog more often, cos this updating thing really works for me! its like a load off my chest, y'know? :)

2008-09-10T21:39:00.000+08:00

the sky is pretty tonight.

really.

i wish i would have the time to just sit and admire the sky and the moon and the occasional star but yeah. im real busy. wasted! haha

ive got chem test to study for (i just realsed), and EoM to complete and some physics the study!! ALL BY TONIGHT. :(

k. if you have the time, go look into the sky. and admire God's handiwork :)

-jamie-

2008-08-28T23:45:00.000+08:00

wheee. tmr is teachers day celebration and school starts at 830 and ends at 1030! wheee.

funfunfun.

anyways, a scary thing happened this week. really scary

its so scary that i dont kknow whether i should share it... *shivers*

im scared even thinking about it... :S

okok

ill tell you.

promos is in a month!!

heehee! i bet you thought it was really scary huh!

okok another scary thing happened!!
(ok i think i shall not try to build up the suspense... its not really working. haha)
rebekah sprained her leg yesterday!! i was so sos os s osos os os so shocked!! it was during basketball and she fell down. it looked really painful and after a while i also started to feel pains in my leg! haha.

yes, im psycho.

so rbk didnt come to sch today. i got to talk to new ppl today. haha. terence and matthew and prae were really silly and fun today. terence is such a crackpot. he is a very very silly mix of the funniest ppl i know! GO TERENCE! :) haha. prae is so cute. shes so blur and silly haha. like a country bumpkin. you brighten up my day :)

cant wait for tmr! i really want to know what happened to rbk's leg. shes coming tmr!
the funny thing is that she always laughs when she sees ppl in those huge leg braces or wrapped ankles, and also there was once where a girl was in a wheelchair! haha. i wonder what she'll come to school in! haha! she said if she needs a wheelchair, she is not going to come to school!! haha. if she does ill laugh mann. haha.

oh yeahh. last weeks yf was funn! got to meet lots of new ppl from other churches and stuff. it was really fun! haha. even though the games were abit wierd but yeah, they enjoyed it and so did i! :) my group was quite fun. haha. cute bunch.
then after yf, haha i was watching theodore and daniel and jonathan and david play table tennis the olympics way. and i think i learnt to JUGGLE!! COOL EH? :)

oh yeah i forgot to write about my 17th BIRTHDAY CELEBRATION!! :)
it was great.
i think i had a total of 5 cakes! haha.
1. at my grandma;s house--> celebration with cousins
2. at my house--> celebration with friends (nat,elsa,elyssa etc)
3. at my house--> celebration with my cousins (elsie julia nikki cheryl etc)
4. in school--> surprise celebration with rebekah and mingwei. thanks for the really really nice cake btw :)
5. in church--> surprise celebration with yf! THANKS GUYS. i really appreciate it :)

this birthday was fun. :)
i cannot thank all you guys enough for the thought that went into all this :) LOVE YOU ALL :P
ohyes and thank you all those who sent birthday messages (rbk at midnight!)haha. you all made me feel like the happiest birthday girl :) thanksthanksthanks

yes, im seventeen (and still trying to come to terms with that fact)
and most of all, i thank God for the opportunity of turning 17 :)

17.

it sorta has a ring to it.

i think this is gonna be a great year :)

-jamie-

2008-08-08T22:12:00.000+08:00

hye.
as you can see, im trying to be more active in the blogosphere :) (isnt that a cool technical term?)

for all the fans of the tuition ministry outreach chocolate chip cookies (all thanks the lin ping), HERES THE RECIPE :P

Old-Fashioned Chocolate Chip Oatmeal Cookies
An old family recipe, these cookies are now a raid-the-cookie-jar favourite at the Graham B&B Inn in Sedona, Arizona.

Ingredients
1 cup butter-flavoured shortening (we just used normal butter)
3/4 cup sugar
3/4 cup dark brown sugar, packed
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1.5 cups flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon salt, optional
2 cups rolled oats (old-fashioned or quick cooking)
12-ounce bag of semisweet chocolate chips

Procedure
1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees (190 degrees celcius). Grease insulated cookie sheets

2. In a large bowl of an electric mixer, blend shortening and sugars. Beat in eggs
and vanilla.

3. in a separate bowl, mix flour, bakig soda and optional salt. Add to egg mixture. Stir in oats and chips (by hand if you do not have a heavy duty mixer.)

4. drop golf ball-sized cookies well apart onto the cookie sheets. Bake for 12 minutes.

5. Remove pans from oven and cool cookies for 5 minutes before removing form trays. Eat 'em right away (as though you had to be told...)!

Makes about 40 cookies.

see! its easy and yummy so make it someday!
haha
im watching the olympics march in thing now. BORING. seriously i really dont know why anyone will want to watch this. (sorry to offend whoever watched it!! :P ) its the same thing over and over again! 200 countries marching in, so you can imagine how long it'll take! i havent even seen singapore march in yet!

haha april was doing silly things just a few days before! we were watching Lost on tape i think then suddenly the national day planes flew by with a LOUD sound. so we couldnt hear anything on tv. then april said: wait ah...

then she paused the tape, rewinded it a little, and went to the porch and looked into the sky (i bet she felt like she was in one of those Kodak moments, with the wind blowing in her hair, and the tranquility of the night.)

and then i said: april, stop pretending to be interested."

then she was like " oh ya ah why am i doin that man haha." and she gave me the embarassed smile which showed that i hit the nail on the head. HAHA. i bet she thought she was a loser, and i agreee :P

YUM KIWI ROXZ.

yay rebekah liked my present and wore one of the earings i gave her to school today. it had a rubix cube design haha.

wow i can see the difference in the presence of nyjcians online now. cos the deadline for WR draft is over and everyone is not rushing theie project anymore! haha. i feel that i did lots of productive things today, despite sleeping 4 hrs plus in the afternoon : S
i managed to read through a bit of econs and i think i understand it a bit more :) yay me.

just sent an email to yinny. SHE HAD BETTER REPLY.haha im not even bothering to hint, cos shes so blur haha :)

my birthday celebration tmr (yes i know its abit tooo early), and i think the kids will only be able to make it after YF. sad. at least anutie siewtian will be there : ) its really fun with her family around! :) it livens up the party :)

ok got to go.

are you ready to partae? :)

-jamie-

2008-08-07T00:02:00.000+08:00

hey.

ive been stuffed with work this whole week! : ( the silly project work stuff is just so time consuming! last last night i stayed up till 2.30am to complete it, and it wasnt even the final proposal so imagine how late ill have to stay up for the FINAL Written Repot! : ( sigh. im just too much of a perfectionist(as told to me by april and many others). i couldnt get myself to stop! haha. it was weird staying up so late. there was NO ONE online except jonathan lee(small) cos he was busy rushing a projct too! haha. and i finished before him haha and rubbed it in his face : ) haha. sorry bout that. i couldnt resist! : P

anyway, today feels like its going to be a repeat of that past event. its already 1215 :(

today's physics lessons was terrible. it was unbearable. 2 hrs straight mann. i almost died. i didnt even do the tutorial she was going through so i couldnt follow! and she was explaining so slowwllyyy that i could feel myself rotting. i couldnt even play with my cube cos i was sitting in a postion where the teacher could see below the desk. so yeah. im so glad its OVER. but its gonna happen again next week! : S

YAY tmr is RBK's b'day! i got her earrings. i couldnt think of anything else haha. oh and national day celebrations is this fri!! SO EXCITING. actually i wanted to volunteer to take photos (so i can write it in my SGC haha) but i guess they filled up the vacancies already. SAD. the last time i had to take up the reject roles like taking pictures for this science festival. it was exhausting and boring. no offence. haha.

yeah.

sometimes i wish i were less confused. i think its because i choose to always try to see things that are not there. i dont even know why i try anymore. why am i still so naive?

to think that it was me.

i just dont know what to think anymore. i dont know why i cant let go and move on. cut the string and fly away.

-jamie-

2008-08-03T17:05:00.000+08:00

hello.

today is hothothot. seriously. even though im just sitting in a well ventilated room, i sweating! haha

mmm. my grandma just gave me some kiwi fruit : )
shes really sweet : P

talking to yin ting now... its been a long long time since ive done so... if ive calculated correctly, only 3 years has passed, that means she will only be back in 5 years time! : ( i hope shes happy in australia : )

ill be going to aunty ros's house for family gathering today! : ) its always fun to go to their house although its really far. it is at acjc area! yeah. i wish i went to AC : ( then i can see stef. i miss stef : (
ok anyway, everytime we go to aunty ros' house we always play fun games. like with shaun's Wii and other gadgets haha. its really fun to play with family : ) anyway, i realised i have a hidden talents mann. i can do rhythm quite well! COOL. : P cos we were supposed to play according to the rhythm of a song (in some rabbit game) and them i beat all of them! i never knew i had it in me! haha. IN YOUR FACE! (-->quote from shaun)

rebekah's bday is coming soon! this thursday to be exact! and Stefs birthday too! this friday! and MINES NEXT FRIDAY. haha. i cant belive im 17. it feels like a bad case of growing up :( i dont ever want to grow up but i guess ill have to someday.

today in church i have to admit i was really distracted during pastor yaps message. and throughout the whole worship service. i really couldnt concentrate. sigh. its not cos im lovesick or something haha but just that i had something on my mind. so whatever went in sorta came right out! ok nvm. ill try harder next time. : P

i got to go. i have to go get rebekah a present before going to aunty ros' house today. and i have to study for the upcoming chem test (TMR!!) sighh. oh boy do i regret staying in singapore sometimes... but its all worth it when i think of all the friends i would not have gotten to know better and the new ones that i made in NY. : ) you guys rockzzxxzxz.

-jamie-

2008-07-21T18:52:00.000+08:00

hey~
its been long since my last post! i almost forgot the blog existed! HAHA. anyway, i really feels great to have finished exams(quite long ago already haah). it great to remember how it feels to be RELAXED. :P
im not rubbing it in for those still having exams bytheway. :)

oh ya. i got back my results!! the first 2 came as a shock to me, but i soon realized the state i was in and lowered my standards for the next 4 papers. this left me as a happy and contented girl :)
ok. the first 2 papers were chem and maths, my best subjects.

for chem, i was seriously hoping for A, but i got a B. the sad thing was that majority of my clique got A's so i felt pretty dumb. haha. and also 8 out of 25 pple in my class got A's.

i was dissapointed but what made me EVEN MORE disappointed was the math results. i got a C!!! SHOCKER! really i was truly shocked. maths being my best paper was a real letdown. but i soon found out that many ppl failed maths and stuff. this was when i realised i really shouldnt have worried that much.

:)

(yep, i have to leave some space for a smiley)

ok. so i noticed a decreasing grade trend for my 2 papers and was adequately prepared for the next 4 :) i cant remember the order, but the grades went downdowndown. yup. what was surprising for me was getting a C for physics! that was a real pleasant surprise. :)

i really dont know whether to laugh or be sad cos GUESS WHAT? only 16% of the cohort passed for econs! haha. and of course im not part of that percentage. haha. i got an S. thats a subpass, a better term for just-fail. but at that point i really didnt care anymore! which was a great feeling! :)

oh okay. for chinese...

I PASSED!!!!!!!!

*relief*

i got an E!
although if this was O Levels i would have failed haha. OH WELLS, ITS NOT :)
my compo was surprisingly not out of point but i still failed it due to errors! at first i got 31/60 for content, then for wrong words i minused 8 marks!!! TSK. sadsad case. haha. so i got a 23 haha. im still happy though.

the only reason why i blogged today was because i had to wait for the photos from my camera to download :S. it takes awfully long.
the photos were from my trip to clarke quay at night! FUN! as part of my photography course, we had to learn how to take photos at night (though i hope i never have to...)
its really hard cos its so dark and so you need to use a tripod to prevent blurry pictures. but the reflections of the brightly lit buildings were pretty. the ones i took were ordinary, but pretty :P
it was all worth it.

oh it seems that i have so much to write since i havent blogged for so long!

ok. something really embarassing happening in school. i dont really want to talk about the details but yeah. it was not very plesant. haha. dont belive me? ask rebekah. heehee.

i hope it never happens again haha.

yup. oh yes. yf was fun. the video was touching and stuff but what made it anti-climax was the questions coming from sarah and nicole beside me! haha. but i didnt really get it either so i dont blame you guys :) haha. you all kept wanting to know the details of how the son/daughter died. and up till now, i still dont know whther the main character;s kid was a girl or boy! i thought it was a girl, but others thought itwas a boy. haha. notice im using IT. haha.

oh then after yf we celebrated kok wengs bday! big jon planned such an elaborate surprise party! haha. it was really funny. bg jon had asked tracie to buy a cake for kokweng, but then big jon thought the cake was too small so he asked his bro to go out and buy a full sized cake! and not only that: he also blew up 40 balloons by himself to throw down from the 3rd storey when kok weng blew out the candles! haha. silly. and then the helpers up there threw down the balloons from all directions, and they even threw down the black trash bags that held the balloons! haha!

then after yf i watched eddie/april/jane play tetris on eddies electronic playing thing. no idea what it is. april was really lousy by the way haha. she kept making excuses to why the up button and the down button was confusing. haha WHATE-VER. that is whatever in jonathan's cool slang. haha. what-ev-ver.

oh noo. i just remembered i have GP paper 1 class assignment TMR! noo. i have even prepared. i dont even know how to prepare! haah. who cares la. haha

and i just realised that PROMOS are just a month away! :( not again. i really dislike studying, and whats worse is that i get bad results even after studying! haha. it never was like that for me but now, i think im a wreck.haha. at least i hear from others that the reason why they didnt get good results was because they didnt study properly.
well, for me, i admit i DID study hard, but guess what? my results didnt show. oh well. :) ill try harder i guess :)

didnt go for chinese tuition today. my mummy "pan chan" me. haha. she likes using that word. haha.

haha. sometimes i wish i could just "fast-forward" to see how my life is like, and then return back. haha. dunno why. i like using that word: fast forward. pretty COOOL. ;) haha.

-jamie-

2008-06-23T17:47:00.000+08:00

woo hoo :P
one down, 4 more to go!
im talking about exams by the way :)

today was maths :) i think i did quite okay... im quite sure i wont fail but not so sure whether can get A. its getting rreally hard to do well nowadays. i always barely scrape by. haha

tmr is PHYSICS :S
i hate physics!!! tsktsk. see la serene. you are asking me to update and waste my time even more!! SIGH! haha jkjk/

anyway, nexy week is YF anniversary and im in the organising comm! i really feel terrible cos i didnt do anything and me and lydia forgot about it until only a few weeks back! we were told at the start of the year! haha/

you know, as i look back on the past 2 weeks, i realise that i really had accomplished alot! 2 weeks ago, i was clueless about majority of the jc sylabus and now, i feel pretty on top of things! and i realised that i would have never been able to do it alone, but only through God's strength! thank you God :)

ok. i have to go study now. wish me all the best.. :S

-jamie-

2008-05-18T16:43:00.000+08:00

yay tmr is VESAK DAY!!
its not vesak day that im happy about, its the holiday that comes with it!! :) :)
actually i shouldnt be using the computer haha. ive got lots and lots of homework. im so behind!!

cos on friday, i fell asleep so early. like 9.30 or something.

then saturday, my family and the kwoks and the gohs and the hengs and auntie swee and aunty yvinne went the cemetary. then we went to IMM and then we went to EAST COAST!!! i was so happy cos its been such a long time since ive been to EAST COAST :) but we didnt get to walk on the beach or do cycling or anything like that. it turns out that we just went there to eat at a seafood restaurant! haha. but i had fun there too :) nicky is so smart and big now. oh and april taught evan to SMS haha! so we all sent messages to him for him to reply us! the funny thing is that he kept his messages short and sweet like:

"[insert name here], this is evan. hi"

we were all hoping for a personal message and this was what he gave us! haha. silly boy.
oh and i found the SUPER NICE melt in the mouth sweet!! its at DAISO :) aactually natty spotted it and my mum bought me 2 packs :) she says she will buy me somemore tmr :) woohoo.

well this morning, upon realising that i fell asleep early again, i suddenly remembered that i forgot to make michelle's birthday card!! so i rushed a card, a badly done one. haha. and the sad thing is that i didnt manage to catch her to give it to her after church. WASTED.

yay i just remembered next saturday's YF is SPORTS DAY!! im so excited!! it is like so old-school. haha. anyway, each small group is supposed to come in one colour. mine is BLUE and tracie says blue is slimming. haha. i dont really need that though. haha. YAY. im already so excited. and im so excited about ydcamp too! pity im not going to be able to experience what the campers would experience. it would have been nice. :)

okay . got to do homework now. got 3 maths tutorials, got upcoming chem energetics quiz and GP MIDYEAR (that i havent studied for AT ALLL), 1 physics tutorial and 1 GP news article to share with the class. the homework stack is getting bigger than me!!!

-jamie-

2008-04-30T19:39:00.001+08:00

yay. my PI is complete!! im so glad :)
this weeks been really great.. i got back my econs test and im pretty happy. and i just finished my 1st Physics SPA! its really a load of my chest! :)

oh im in the retreat comm for this june's retreat! but i dont think i will be able to help much... i cant do much things. haha.
OH and STEF can come for retreat if she wants to... :)

oo,. im craving for chocolate now.. mmm :P
*munches on fruits and pretends its chocolate*

oh shoot. i have to do my project thing.. ill blog another time :)

-jamie- {this post deserves another smiley face} :)

2008-04-26T00:19:00.000+08:00

ive got the song hushabye mountain playing in my head. :)

anyway, i realised something new about myself. i dont think i am cut out to do leadership stuff. i really dont know whether i should have joined the YF committee or not... the committee is so capable than i am, and having me around really doesnt make any much of a difference (cos i dont contribute). the only reason why i dont contribute is cos im the type of person whose ideas dont come easily (and when they do, they are like lao-ya quality). so how. i really dont know. its like the comm members have active discussion and im the only quiet one... im sorry but im really trying okay...

hai. JC IS SO TOUGH. like 10X harder that secondary sch! REALLY! i think my sch teachers are really inexperienced. i like mgs teachers loads better. i miss you miss kek and miss tan.. the best form teachers ever ever :)

ok la. very late. i need to sleep :) goodnight peeps.
-jamie-

2008-04-11T20:19:00.000+08:00

hey!
its been long since i last posted! :P
i just felt the need to post this.. :)

the day before yesterday i was seriously really touched... cos i was walking back from school and halfway through, it started raining!! OH NOES!! ok. so i run to a nearby tree. a really bushy one. to hide from the rain.
then i notice that the rain gets heavier.
and heavier.
and heavier till it cant get any heavier.
then i start to feel droplets of water falling from the tree. NOO. my plan didnt work! :( ok. so i was stuck under the dripping tree.
so i pray:
dear Lord. i pray that you will bring me back home safely and pray that the rain will stop. Amen.
then the rain pours even heavier with lightning and all.
so i pray again.
soon, another man joins me under the tree. he realises that the tree didnt work, and soon he left running in the rain.
minutes went by, and i seemed to lose hope but then a maid came with an extra umbrella and saved me from the dripping tree. HOORAY :) she said her employer asked her to give me the umbrella(and keep it cos it was broken). how sweet. really. i was so touched that i smiled all the way home. :) thank you God.. :)
yup.
oh i just got back my PI and my teacher said it was "well-written"!! woohoo! i was utterly surprised. just like miss chiew was utterly dissappointed! haha.
ok got to go and do DYNAMICS TUTORIAL :( the hardest thing ever. :(
-jamie-

2007-08-03T17:43:00.000+08:00

wow/

this is my 100th post! :)

today was... depressing. cos i had an annoying dream. annoying annoying. i had one of those dreams again. im not saying what exactly, but it was different from usual. usually i would dream of what i wanted you to say and all and wake up feeling so happy, but this time, i dreamt i was ignoring you! and you kept making THAT face.. cant describe. like the puppy dog face, just not that obvious. then i realised that i dreamt that cos... i really have been ignoring you in real life! i feel quite dissappointed. i feel rude. but i dont know what to do. if i dont ignore you, and face my fears, i will make you feel awkward. really awkward. and i dont want to do that. i think that is just horrible. the bible says: do unto others what you want them to do to you. so what now. this is a terrible situation to be in. trust me. i just dont know whats the best thing to do. both ways, i will be sinning. sigh.

somehow, when i feel sad/troubled, people just somehow manage to make me happy again. its as if they know how i feel and treat me extra nice because of it! its great to be loved. :)

what really cheered up my whole day was when kjelti took my diary and drew some really cute pictures in it during geog. :) she drew lots of stuff... just like shaun does silly things. . anyway, she drew a puffer fish before and after puffing, a Jmi island with a boat (that looks like noahs ark), a chick, a happy wanton, a happy siew mai, a sian pao, a coconut tree, a cubism robot drawing, a ":) + :( = :()", a "HI JAM!", and a bottle full of preserved rabbit heads :) morbidly fascinating! :)

stef did something silly too. she wrote all over the back of my hand, and was laughing at the fact that my skin was like old lady's one, loose. haha. then she wrote :"Hi Jamie! Spongebob fan!". she also wrote on the palm of my hand with this pen that she really liked the words " Sponge" and "Pink" totally random, if you ask me. :) she said that the colour was slightly brown, but the colour came out this bright hot pink. i think stef is colour blind. haha.

it is the small things that people do that really can cheer a person up. like when stef makes that blur face. haha. like shes thinking about something. it is really funny. :) not in a yucky way. a funny way. a quach way. :P

stef may be coming to Anderson JC with me! what fun. i am somewhat touched that she considers someone like me a friend. :P even though i always purposely tease her about her being too sensitive and blurr, and pinches her. haha. only because she keeps squeezing my knuckles and calling me weak. haha. okok. i gotta go now.

(says in a cowbow accent) see ya later pals!

-jamie-

2007-07-27T18:01:00.000+08:00

PROM NIGHT!! :)

exciting stuff manz. :)

Swiss Hotel Stamford ballroom.

it was a happy day. i dont regret going at all! :) that $80 was totally worth it although i didnt really eat anything there. haha. it was the fellowship there. i dont know why, but i felt... sad. as if it were my last day in mgs. :( i really dont want to leave, but i want to move on, at the same time! confusing stuff. haha

aunty lena put alot of makeup on me. and serene too. haha. when i looked in the mirror, i got a shock! cos my lips were so pink from the Barbie(TM) lipstick aunty lena insisted on putting on me! and my cheeks were pink too! haha. i bet you cant imagine it la! Dont imagine it! haha. anyway, i asked her to wipe off the pink and switch to a different colour. haha. PHEW. :)

you know what? makeup can really do wonders to a person la. everyone at the ballroom looked GORGEOUS. no kidding. really. not bluffing. stef looked like a SUPERMODEL. really. in the pictures too.. realy really. haha. i even insisted she join DEAL OR NO DEAL as one of the beautiful ladies. haha. suits her man. and i think she could even compete with the prettiest girl there! haha. GO STEF! :)

i will post pics... maybe.. on friendster. or something. ok. gotta go. study study study. and make my brain power usage increase to 99% :) :)

-jamie-

2007-07-09T16:54:00.000+08:00

ENGLISH PRELIM ORAL TODAY!!! and i only found out TODAY!!! im quite happy now that it is over though... cos i got 2 of the fiercest teachers and they were nice to me! yay! my english teacher said one of the teachers would roll her eyes if she didnt like what you were saying! so evil! im glad i made them smile, i think! :p

i was supposed to stop using the computer half and hour ago, but... i havent! haha.

anyway, i made this silly friendster account and added lots of ppl in it. but i havent got anything interesting there yet. not even my profile is editted properly! haha. how dumb. nvm. i have no time now... will do it another day :)

NOOO>>> no ten-leaf clovers today! :(

-jamie-

2007-06-22T15:24:00.000+08:00

its quite wierd. the holidays flew by too fast! and i spent most of it in school!
it doesnt make sense la! arent holidays for taking a break? they are not having extra lessons and studying!! or else, what is the point?!
sigh. today is my last day. i havent even studied agriculture for geog!(i was planning on studing the whole sec 4 geog bk)
oh wells .. im such a loser. i never get anything done.. i really need to study leh. but i cant get my itchy fingers off the computer!
oh ya. on sunday, there was this video by uncle osward. it was quite funny la. about relationships, i think. i remember mgs also showed this guy talking before. it was on moods and moodswings i think. this video was interesting and enlightening cos i never knew a good marriage was so hard to come by... it said that only 1 in 10 will experience a perfect marriage... and i want to be that 1.. i mean... isnt it every girls dream to have a perfect husband who loves her? nvm that.
oh ya. and it talked about always needing to work at your marriage to ensure it stays firm. like glue. you have to wait for the glue to dry. haha.
ah!!!!!! tomorrow got a stupid guides thing!!! jiu4 ming4 ah!!!! then after that is the yf cooking thing for yf anneversary!!! yay!~ two contrasting things in one day! how often do you get that! haha. ok going now.
going .going. gone.
-jamie-

2007-06-11T16:58:00.000+08:00

sighh... i really miss camp. although i didnt really learn much(as i missed the one and only message...) anyway.. what i really got out of this camp was a whole lot of fellowship :) i remembered how fun YF can actually be! i also had to take care of evan. he was in my group. he was nice to be with but i think i got irresponsible in the ending part. i sorta did my own thing... sorry evan!
haha, the last night was the best!@! we played sabotuer till 4am!! wah lao. it was super fun! and confusing. haha :) this graham and shaun and ruth/rachel kept doing silly things like putting an alternative route right in the begining of the game, leading in the opposite direction and stuff like that. jonathan was so blur la. ahah. and shaun kept doing silly things. like picking from the gold pile. haha. wow. you guys are like super sneaky la!~ haha. then graham kept exchanging roles between the sabotuer and the dwarf! haha. so nikki kept blocking him! serves him right. haha.
oh ya. yesterday i played sabotuer at julia's house! it was fun... shaun has a set of cards too! :) he fell in love with it instantly :) then i forgot i was the sabotuer la! so i played as the dwarf the whole time and won (and lost) haha. then i was cheering like "yay!" then i realised that i had forgotten to be the sabotuer!! NOOO> haha/
anyway... i feel yd camp-sick.. as in not sick of camp but the exact opposite! and i couldnt even go to my church's jubilee camp at malacca. i feel so annoyed. :( almost everyone is going but me... :(
50th anniversary somemore!
sigh.
i miss you.
alot
alot
:(
goodbye then.
-jamie-

2007-06-04T13:32:00.000+08:00

this is bad. im feeling like crap now. i just am...
anyway, yesterday's worship song really impacted me. i love this song. the lyrics are here :)

What a Friend we have in Jesus
What a Friend we have in Jesus,
all our sins and griefs to bear!
What a privilege to carry everything to God in prayer!
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry everything to God in prayer.

Have we trials and temptations?
Is there trouble anywhere?
We should never be discouraged; take it to the Lord in prayer.
Can we find a friend so faithful
who will all our sorrows share?
Jesus knows our every weakness; take it to the Lord in prayer.

Are we weak and heavy laden,
cumbered with a load of care?
Precious Savior, still our refuge, take it to the Lord in prayer.
Do your friends despise, forsake you?
Take it to the Lord in prayer!
In His arms He’ll take and shield you; you will find a solace there.

Blessed Savior, Thou hast promised
Thou wilt all our burdens bear
May we ever, Lord, be bringing all to Thee in earnest prayer.
Soon in glory bright unclouded
there will be no need for prayer
Rapture, praise and endless worship will be our sweet portion there.

arent the lyrics meaningful! it is especially meaningful for a backsliding Christian like me.
:)
encouraging and all..
-jamie_

2007-05-31T15:44:00.000+08:00

ahh. havent post in quite a while!! actually i have lots to say and write about, but i was just being irritating and not posting. :(
thanks mersa and samantha for encourageing me to work hard for chinese, and tracie for the fruitips!! thanks you guys :) you are so thoughtful :)
anyway, chinese O levels was on monday. i dunno. i think i did better than usual... :) but the last passage i TOTALLY did not understand it lor. it was the hardest passage i have EVER read manz. im not exaggerating. :( that was the bad part.. haha. i hope my compo pulls up the marks... cos i memorised LOTS of ci yu s and just "cut and paste". haha.
and i cant go to childrens camp!! no fair. april is already there now. enjoying herself... and im here. being miserable and lonely. back to square one. sigh. anyway, there is yf retreat coming soon!@ although i have school, i realised that i can still go to school and miss a little. better that missing the whole camp. i hope this camp will be spiritually refreshing for me cos i have not exactly been doing my qt for ages! i really dont know how i am living man., im in such a bad state and i am not doing anything about it. :( sad,.
ok. i need to go. my one hour break is over... :( :( :(
bye. i miss you. <3
-jamie-

2007-05-18T18:25:00.000+08:00

hello. decided to put some pictures on :)
this is my FAVOURITE kid in church!! :) she is the ultimate cutest la:) :) my heart melts every time i see her :) :) :)

haha. maybe i will put more pictures soon:)
-jamie-

2007-05-11T12:41:00.000+08:00

today i had my maths paper 2 exam. i dunno lor. it felt like a sec 3 paper. haha. too easy. haha. jkjk
i had to take bus home today cos school finished at 1030am. haha. and i saw something i have NEVER seen happen before! haha.
at tavistock park, there was this cute old lady in blue pjs sitting on the swing, swinging on the swing!!! haha! i was laughing. softy of course. haha. she was sitting with her legs outstreched and swinging. not swinging a little, it was quite high actually! haha/ but she wasnt smiling, so it looked like she was forced to sit there or something. ahah.

i have the BEST cousins in the world!! :) :) :)
we are all teaming up and doing a project together. :) not any other project but the one called "Project Mothers' Day"!!! how fun! we are going to do it this sunday during the weekly gathering:) im making the cakes!! and nikki is getting the flowers and elsie is getting all the other things done.:) april promised she would help me. hee hhe. i actually dont want her help but or else she will feel left out! HAHA. okok. it is going to be so fun... but i sorta told my mum already. cos i was flipping through the cheesecake recipe book when she came into the room!! NOO!!! plan failed. haha. not really. then i threw the book to the side of the bed really quickly, which made a loud "bonk" sound, making it even more obvious. haha. then i had to tell. hhaha. sorries cuzzes. heh heh.
'heh heh' sounds so chi-ko-pek-ish. haha.
anyway thanks cuzzies (nikki and julia) :) you made me feel better. just being there makes me feel better already. :)
i love my cousins! they are the best ones in the world manz. :) jealous?
-jamie-

2007-04-30T17:08:00.000+08:00

its because you mean too much to me that i have to let you go...
you seem so unaffected by what is happening. i really dont know anymore...
-jamie-

2007-04-26T15:40:00.000+08:00

hello. i heard this song on the radio. quite nice. chorus a bit dramatic. sorta. meaningful lyrics.

What Hurts The Most - Rascal Flatts

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

*
What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

**

yeah... nice. if only i could put this song on my bloggie. i want to put 3 songs in my blog so far:)
What Hurts The Most
Just So You Know
Butterfly Kisses

nice songs. <3
ok. gotta go. i think i have to start studying seriously. exams is in exactly 1 week!!! so scary. nvm. its okay to fail midyears in sec4. haha. Miss Tan (form teacher) says that we will all do very badly of midyears. only a few will get less than 20 points. haha. anyway, i wont be one of the few cos i did so badly in my chinese oral!!! :( the weird thing was that the oral examiner was helping me to finish my sentences. haha. like i say... "i would bring mooncakes to my friends house and..." then she would say "you can also bring your mum's homebaked cookies and yam cake!"
okkayyy.
then can see her smiling in contentment.
it was like that throughout the whole oral la! haha.
for that, i grade her with an A1 :)
i really hope i pass. at least she was happy she may give me some happy marks. :)
ok really gotta go now/.

-jamie-

2007-04-25T17:26:00.000+08:00

i was reading kat's blog today. she posted a story. somehow... this story seemed so.. i dont know... sigh. anyway, the story was nice, but it was just one of those stories that stand out in a crowd... at least to me. . .
i feel like quoting her story.. A huge chunk of it. haha. later she kill me. haha. the only problem with the story is that the ending is too happy. i cant stand it. haha/ no offense kattoes. haha. "kattoes"----> your new name. :)
ANYWAY. i am going to quote. or kope. ahah. actually i have no idea what in the world is KOPE but it just sounds appropriate. so ya.
:)

REMEMBER!!! I DID NOT WRITE THIS!! ALL CREDIT GOES TO KAT!!!

Her heart hammered in her chest as she gingerly replaced the phone in its cradle.

"Meet me," he had said. "Meet me at South Point in fifteen minutes." Throwing on her best coat, Brooke flew out the door, hands instinctively balling into fists. Under normal circumstances, she would have taken her time getting ready. But this was not a normal circumstance. Oliver was, by no means, a normal boy.

It was funny how, despite having known each other for so long, despite being the best of friends for two years, the very thought of meeting him alone still made her feel like she was falling into a bottomless pit.

She inhaled deeply and continued running, her sneakers slipping on the wet ground. South Point was only a five-minute walk away. It was where she had first met Oliver, when she was fourteen and he, fifteen. His father owned the drug store there, and she had been on an errand for her mother. At the time, she had been quite unable to understand how an average-looking boy could hold the world in his eyes, but she knew better than to question fate. That was the start of a beautiful friendship.

Brooke shivered and drew her coat around her tighter. Only a while more. She wondered what Oliver had to say that was of such importance that he had to call her out at ten freezing pm.

It would have been nice if they had managed to stay as platonic friends, but as we all know, friendship crosses the line to something more all too often. She was the first to realise it, to notice that his eyes lingered on her just a moment too long, that when they touched it was like being electrocuted. Indeed, he began to treat her like he had never met anyone more special. She had not said anything for fear of being laughed at, but secretly, she was glad. From day one, she had wished for something more. All she needed was his confession. I don't make first moves.

Brooke spotted a shadowy figure standing outside the South Point drug store. As she hurried towards it, Oliver stepped forward and smiled at her, immediately making her feel like she had just downed an entire mug of hot chocolate. "Hey."

"Hey." She glanced nervously at the interior of the brightly lit store. "Shouldn't we... go somewhere else? Your dad might see us."

"Oh. Oh yeah." Oliver grabbed her hand and started walking. She fell in step beside him, palm still burning. "Can you believe this? I never thought it possible that it could rain for three days straight. Good thing it's over now."

Brooke's eyes snapped towards him, her heart sinking. Surely he had not called her out just to chit-chat about the damn weather? For god's sake, she was going to turn into a human popsicle any moment. A little irritated, she cut to the chase. "Um, yeah. Good thing. Listen, Ollie, what is it you wanted to talk to me about? Because I'm really tired. I was just about to go to bed when you called me." To her utter bewilderment, a shadow crossed Oliver's face and he wrung his hands nervously. "Oh, you were? I'm so sorry. We can continue this conversation tomorrow, if you want." Was it Brooke's imagination, or did he seem a little distracted? His eyes were darting left and right, as if looking for an escape route.

"No, Ollie. You've already dragged me out here, you might as well tell me what's going on so I can go home sooner." She crossed her arms and stared at him firmly, but her confidence wavered. Why was he behaving so suspiciously?

"Okay." Oliver bit his lip. "Um, you see, there's something I've been needing to tell you." At those words, Brooke tried to maintain her composure, but felt her insides churning. Alarm bells were clanging somewhere in the deep recesses of her mind. Nothing good ever began with those few words. Oliver looked at her expectantly, but when she did not say anything, he took a deep breath and continued. "It's like this... Recently, I couldn't help but feel this... connection. With you."

In a flash, Brooke was back in the past. It was a lazy summer night, much like tonight, minus the rain. She and Oliver had gone out for dinner with a group of friends, and they were sitting under the stars, pondering their future lives. "Maybe we can go to California together one day," she was saying. Beside her, Oliver tensed and turned with a pained expression on his face. He opened his mouth, closed it again, and then opened it once more. "Hey, um... I've been meaning to tell you this for a while, and I'm sorry for not doing so sooner, but..." he broke off. Brooke looked at him, frowning slightly. "Go on. "Oliver licked his lips and continued. "Please don't think we're more than friends." Brooke felt something inside her break. "...What?" "What I mean is," Oliver continued hurriedly, as if eager to get it over with, "You're a great girl and all, you're lots of fun, but I like someone else too much. And I don't want to jeopardise our friendship."

"But I thought you felt it too," Brooke whispered, unaware of the hot tears already flowing down her cheeks. "You were treating me so well. You felt it too, I know you did." She got up to leave, but her legs felt like lead. Oliver grabbed her arm, her pain reflected in his eyes. "Brooke. Don't. I'm sorry." "Don't talk to me. You're good at that," she muttered. She had wrenched her arm out of his grasp and run all the way home, never once looking back.

For a week, she ignored his calls, avoided him at school. How could he? The deceitful, lying bastard. He had led her on. But try as she might, she could not stop thinking about him. And the more she thought about him, the more she missed him. Until, one day, when Oliver tried to speak to her for the thousandth time, she did not turn and run in the other direction. She was tired, so tired of the crying and loneliness. Right then, all she wanted was to hear his voice again, look into those eyes that had once held so much promise.

"Can we forget this?" Oliver had said softly. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, but I don't want to lose you." And because she had missed him so much, because she was a stupid, pathetic, naive girl who truly believed he would never hurt her again, she nodded.

Now, here he stood in front of her, pushing her off the same cliff twice. Before she knew what she was doing, Brooke shook her head and backed away, her mind a whirlpool of shock, confusion and pain. "Wait! Please don't go. Please listen to me." Oliver stepped forward, his face screwed up with emotions similar to that fateful night so long ago. "It's just... I have this feeling. About you. That I can't ignore. I know what I did in the past, but we're over that and --" He never finished his sentence. Brooke shoved him in the chest, harder than she had intended to. By now, she could hardly see, her eyes swimming with tears. "You hurt me once, and you think you can just come back and say, 'Oh, I changed my mind'? Well, fuck you, Oliver! It doesn't work that way!" Sobbing uncontrollably, Brooke spun around and ran blindly in the other direction. She had to get away, she had to go somewhere, anywhere.

Oliver, who had fallen onto the ground, dumbfounded, scrambled to his feet and began to chase after her. Oh, god, I've done it again. I have to catch her, I have to explain. He was so focused on that thought that he never saw the oncoming car.

Brooke turned around when she heard the collision. The sight of Oliver bleeding on the road seemed so far away, like a distant memory. She ran back towards him and held his head in her hands, staring into his dull eyes, the eyes that were once bright. He smiled at her weakly, words managing to slip out of his slick, cherry-red lips. "I'm sorry. I love you." She was barely aware as the ambulance arrived minutes later, as the paramedics pried Oliver's head out of her bloody hands and loaded him onto a stretcher, as they led her into the back of the vehicle. She did not even register their arrival at the A&E unit of the hospital, did not notice as a flurry of nurses unloaded the stretcher and disappeared into the nearest room, taking Oliver away from her.

It was two am before a doctor came out of the room to find Brooke still sitting there, face buried in her hands, body shaking with sobs. He bent down and gently put his hand on her shoulder. Brooke lifted her head slowly, blinking to focus on the doctor's grave face. Her eyes were so swollen that she could only see a portion of his expression, but it told her all she needed to know: Oliver's dead. And it's my fault.

"I understand you're a friend of Oliver's." The doctor spoke softly, as if afraid that Brooke would crumble and disappear if he spoke any louder. Brooke closed her eyes, expecting the worst. "The crash was pretty serious. However," he smiled as Brooke looked up, surprised. "He has somehow managed to avoid any brain damage whatsoever. He'll pull through, and should be able to get out of here within less than a week." He patted Brooke on the shoulder one last time and left. She stared after him, stunned, wondering if she had only imagined it, if she had been so devastated by Oliver's death that her mind had somehow made this up.

"Um, excuse me! Doctor?" The kindly doctor turned around and smiled at her. "Yes?" "May I... May I go in and see him now?" Brooke's voice shook. She knew that there was a very slight chance of the doctor agreeing to her request, but she had to try. She had to see Oliver, see if he was indeed alright. And if he wasn't... She had to say goodbye. To her surprise, however, the doctor nodded. "Sure you may. In fact, I daresay him seeing you will help him further along the road to recovery." He winked, eyes twinkling, and continued walking.

It was all the encouragement Brooke needed. She tore into the room the doctor had come out from. Upon seeing her, the group of nurses surrounding Oliver's bed parted. Lying there, swathed in bandages, looking haggard but happy to see her, was Oliver. His mouth formed a single word, wrapped around her name. She stepped gingerly towards him, staring hard, lip trembling, afraid that if she made one wrong move or even blinked, she would wake up and realise that Oliver wasn't okay after all. She kneeled at his bedside and wordlessly reached under the covers for his hand. As she lay her head on his shoulder, the tears came again. The exhaustion, relief and guilt came pouring out like a waterfall. Brooke didn't know how long she had been there, crying, but when she looked up, Oliver was smiling at her. "I'm sorry," he whispered. "I just couldn't lose you. I couldn't let you go."

Brooke squeezed his hand. "Don't worry," she whispered back. "I'm never leaving you again."

SEE! WHAT DID I SAY? THE ENDING IS TOO PERFECT! HAHA/ JKJK. BUT IT IS/ :)
REMEMBER!!!! ALL CREDIT GOES TO KAT!! SHE WROTE THIS STUFF. CAN BECOME A NOVEL MANZ. (i have no idea actually. i've never read a novel) :)
-jamie-

2007-04-17T17:05:00.000+08:00

i feel terribly hurt today.. really.
i really dont know what to say at this moment, cos im so shocked and dissapointed... after everything, there was nothing gained out of it> i really feel like crying now. hai.
sad.
sad
sad.
i dont know what to do now.
it is the details that matter so much, and you just screwed it. :`(
im sorry that anything ever happened and yeah.. sorry?
-jamie-

2007-04-16T17:11:00.000+08:00

just a few days ago, i dreamt that i died. cause of death? not sure. but all i could remember... was that i was felt a deep sense of regret. regretful that i didnt tell you how i felt about you. sigh. how dumb. felt so real though. the first time i wanted to say anything that important.
anyway... what are dreams anyway/ they mostly mean nothing...
-jamie-

2007-04-13T18:14:00.000+08:00

some stuff happened today. made me really unhappy and emo. hhaa. anyway im ok now/ but it was annoying. i felt like crying but everyone was there. it was like in those shows, where everyone is laughing, and im not. i knew i shouldnt. i felt so bad. im so sorry. ok. this rambling is just annoying. not like anyone cares to read anyway. goodbye. fairwell.
*she leaves. never to be seen again*
-jamie-

2007-04-10T18:36:00.001+08:00

just saw kat was listening to Just So You Know. i happened to like the tune, so i checked out the lyrics. somehow, the lyrics match exactly what i am feeling now, so i shall put the lyrics on the post
Just So You Know
I shouldn't love you but I want you
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

I shouldn't love you but I want you
I just can't turn away
I shouldn't see you but I can't move
I can't look away

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus:]
Just so you know
This feeling's taking control of me
And I can't help it
I won't sit around, I can't let him win now
Thought you should know
I've tried my best to let go of you
But I don't want to
I just gotta say it all
Before I go
Just so you know

It's getting hard to be around you
There's so much I can't say
Do you want me to hide the feelings
And look the other way

And I don't know how to be fine when I'm not
'Cause I don't know how to make a feeling stop

[Chorus]

This emptiness is killing me
And I'm wondering why I've waited so long
Looking back I realize
It was always there just never spoken
I'm waiting here...been waiting here

[Chorus]

-jamie-

2007-03-15T18:55:00.000+08:00

hey
just watched "the Pursuit of Happyness".
real nice show.
gets me thinking lots...
after the show, i was thinking, that i really AM very blessed. VERY.
i know this sounds so cliche in some way/ like everyone says "im very blessed" but this time, i really mean it! first time. ok. everyone. im not bluffing you. Pursuit of Happyness is really a nice show.
i cant believe it. i think it is one of the bestest shows i have watched so far. :) yay.
notice its called the "pursuit of happyness" not just "happiness". yeah. thats all ill say.
ooo and i cut my hair :) haha. not very nice.
-jamie-

2007-03-09T16:24:00.000+08:00

its been long since my last post... actually had stuff to say but was too busy playing www.kingdomofloathing.com. GO THERE NOW. :)
this is a post on how cute old people are :) :) :)
a few days ago.. after i finished playing kingdom of loathing i was walking back home for dinner. then as i was near the blandford drive road, this old lady did the nicest thing to me :)
i was tired that day so i felt quite xian. then this super cute indian old lady was walking towards me. so we were walking opposite directions. she was skinny and wearing baggy clothes. at first i didnt notice her, then she smiled sweetly at me. realising how cute she was, i smiled back at her... sweetly. then i just continued walking. then she stopped me and out of her baggy pants pocket, she took out a small bar of time out chocolate!!!!!! i love time out. :) then she said:"here, chocolate for you girl." i was soooo happy. i totally forgot the concept that chinese teachers and parents always teach : Never accept anything from strangers. haha. i guess she was not that much of a stranger after exchanging smiles :) if i could, i would like to meet her again... talk to her and tell her how much her little chocolate made my day. or maybe week :) thank you lady.
and recently, maybe yesterday, i cant remember, i had CIP in some elderly organisation, which organises activities for the old folks to occupy their time. i think i saw an albino old lady!! maybe 2. but one of them was one of the cutest old ladies i had seen in my entire life. she looked happy. i suspect stef will look like that when she grows old. always smiling. and stef said: when i dont smile, it hurts.
Now THAT makes sense.
ANYWAY. my group had many old ladies and one old man. he is so cute! it was time for the sanwich making game... where you make ... sandwiches... and he was old and so his fingers were stiff and stuff. haha. that sounds weird.
anyway, he tried to put on the disposable glove but he couldnt, cos his fingers were stiff. he had already put his hand in, but his fingers just wouldnt go in the slots. i felt so bad.. so i tried to help him. but the gloves were slippery and so it was hard to fit it in. i was also scared he would feel weird that a GIRL had to help him. ya know the male's ego is huge. so i tried to help him, but not too much - if you know what i mean.
it just didnt fit, so he just used the palm part of the glove to work with the sandwiches. at that time, i just felt like crying. i was really sad that he had to be in such a state. i was also sad that he said:" wo3 de4 shou3 yi3 jing1 ying4 le4. mei2 guan1 xi1." which when translated means:"my hands have stiffened already. its alright.." i felt like crying cos it just seemed like he couldnt be bothered because such things happened a lot. also, he was in a sorry state... i thought... maybe i would end up like him.. someday...
and i was filled with pity.
i dont know why no one else seemed to be affected by this but i kept looking down. in case some people saw. then they would comfort me.. then i will really cry.
so yeah. i really treasured the short time i had with them. i really was reluctant to leave. :( anyway. All good things must come to an end. so thats it. the one good thing ended.
sad. thinking about it still makes me want to cry. i dont know why i must be do emotional at times, and so heartless at times. thats me. the schizophrenic jamie..

2007-03-02T15:25:00.000+08:00

wow. its been long since i last posted. opps. time flies so fast. im not having fun though... hee
anyway, i just found something to write about. an interesting encounter i dont think i will ever be able to meet again.
i was on my way back from school.. sitting on the top of the double decker 74 bus. then, around 5 stops from tavistock, two boys walked into the bus and they were talking. then they sat behind me. i think they didnt really care whether i was listening or not as they were talking really loudly. haaha. lets name them Tom and John
tom says: tell me la!!.who do you like??
john says: . . .(something to change the subject)
after quite a bit of conversation, they go back to the subject and tom says : you can tell when somebody likes you. when somebody looks at you for 5 to 10seconds, you know la.
at that moment, i really wanted to laugh, but it would be so rude. haha. i wasnt even supposed to be listening. ;) he seem very experienced. actually, it is quite ridiculous... the idea of 2 boys talking about liking ppl seems so foreign to me. like a dog eating broccolli. (if you get what i mean) i never knew that guys could be... 'ya know. haha. ok. that was just a thought. i thought only girls talked about such stuff. real strange.
and i saw geraldine on the bus!! we only met when i was getting off the bus. i was thinking bout stuff, then she suddenly... WOAH! give me a shock manz. haha . i like using Zs at the back of man, manz. :) really cool stuff. :)
-jamie- <3<3

2007-02-20T15:27:00.000+08:00

hi.
this blog is getting old. i think i ought to change the blogskin. haha :)
i have nothing to do now. really. i finished all my adventures in www.kingdomofloathing.com (please go there now and sign up and play) and i really have nothing to do. no one to talk to. nothing. sad huh :/
stef has been asking me to update this dumb blog but i dont know. everytime i have time to, i dont have the inspiration to . ive got until 4 something today to play, but i really dont know what to play! how annoying is that! :(
anyway, i think my mummy is back already. SO EARLY! shooties manz.
-jamie-

2007-02-05T15:46:00.000+08:00

You Are An ISFJ

The Nurturer
You have a strong need to belong, and you very loyal. A good listener, you excell at helping others in practical ways. In your spare time, you enjoy engaging your senses through art, cooking, and music. You find it easy to be devoted to one person, who you do special things for.
You would make a good interior designer, chef, or child psychologist.

What's" Your Personality Type?

2007-01-30T16:55:00.000+08:00

this prayer is really nice. but sad. but nice.

Now I lay me down to sleep,
I pray the Lord my soul to keep;
And if I die before I wake,
I pray the Lord my soul to take.

-jamie-