Thursday, July 07, 2011
the past week was really eventful for my faith.
cos i dont think i had ever questioned my faith before this, and doubting it really shook me to the core.
i dont think it arose just from the events of last week, but i think i have always had these questions deep deeeeeeep down, just that i was too afraid to voice them all, or even to call them questions at all.
well.. last week, i did. it seemed like when i was asking all these questions, it really unearthed all the feelings i'd been keeping inside. i just found it hard to accept how i could have so many questions left unanswered, and just answering everything with "because God is sovereign" or even how we cannot understand the ways of God, because we are only humans, and God is, well.. God!
talking to one particular non-Christian friend was probably the reason why i started asking myself these questions. i guess i didnt fully realise how what can be so obvious to one, can be the total opposite to another who is not in the faith.
so, in an effort to try to convince him, i set out to find answers. i tried to hear everything in the perspective of a non-Christian, asking questions so that when he or anyone else asked me those questions, i would know the answer to them. this made me super critical during sunday sermons, picking out things that the pastor said that was unsubstantiated, pointing out his errors, and thinking that i was doing everyone a huge favour by doing so.
well, i was wrong. i was so caught up with finding answers, that i forgot that i was arguing everything from a non-Christian's perspective, against my own faith! by asking these questions, i suddenly felt like i was falling away from God, which made me deeply grieved.
for all these years, i thought my faith was growing because i was knowing more about what i believed in, and finding answers. but what i found, was that my faith is sooo small, and so prone to instability. faith not only means knowing, but sometimes faith means believing without seeing. i mean, what would be the point of faith if everything could be proven? then wouldn't everyone believe?
i was approaching this situation the wrong way. i was placing my role of sharing my beliefs above the work of the Holy Spirit in the hearts of non-believers. i felt that it was all up to me to find the right words which would convince, when ultimately i should have dedicated this to God first, and known that He can change any heart in His perfect timing. ):
ok. so you may ask me: isnt that just blindly believing, if so many questions cannot be answered?
well, no!
the one thing that i can't question is how the Bible has changed so many lives all around the world (mine included!) (: and how it has predicted some things right down to the tiny details, and hasn't been wrong before! i mean, what are the odds?
this thought has brought me through some hard times, as it has given me the assurance that what i believe in is TRUE (:
so what does this mean in my life?
i feel like i understand my purpose in life: that every decision i make should boil down to the furtherance of His kingdom. (: praise God for reminding me about the importance of spreading the gospel, and abiding in His word.
avoid the aliens;
8:48 PM