Monday, May 07, 2012
feeling slightly overwhelmed by the events of today..
firstly, i was just feeling a sense of disappointment, because i've been being focusing and being insistent on things that concern myself rather than the big picture, which is for the glory of God! i know in my head that the Christian life is not easy, but sometimes im really tempted to think that God will grant a "smooth" life to those that strive to live in obedience to Him. these subtle but insidious thoughts just creep in, sometimes i dont even notice i feel this way until i verbalise how i feel. :/
i know this life is temporary, and i know it will be short, but sometimes i just want things to go my way, and im wondering why it doesnt, deceiving myself that what i want is what is "good" in God's eyes, but rather, i have been looking at these things in a very worldly way. ):
life is really too short to be wasted! so why dont i live in accordance to this? why am i so concerned about my future when i know that it ultimately does not matter, but rather, what matters is what i have done for God's kingdom? i think i really just need some time alone with God in prayer to get things sorted out in my head and heart..
secondly, today's series of events left me feeling torn. i went to the crossing church today. not sure if it was the best idea to do so, but i did, because i had promised a friend earlier that i would accompany her there. i had heard so many things about the church: all the people whom i know has been to the church has held some extreme opinions about it. few are neutral about it, you either really like it or you really dont. i understand the stands of both parties well, they are sensible. but right now, i guess i am not really sure where i stand :/
on one hand, i know that the church is very "Word-based" and there is no doubt that the preachers are well educated in the interpretation of the Bible. The people there are a thinking bunch, meaning that they are actively using their intellect to ponder about the things of God. i know that i have so much more to learn, and i know i will be spiritually fed there. the church is constantly challenged during sermons through the constant preaching of the gospel and reminded of their motivation for action.
on the other hand, i look to my present church and i see some people who are hungry, but are not sure where to look or where to get spiritual feeding. i see a lack of passion, because sometimes we aren't challenged enough. we are comfortable where we are, not seeing a need to change any style of things, because we are content with how everything has been running so far, and frankly we've never seen better. on a brighter note, i know that as long as we have message discussions after messages to clear doubts and talk things through, that we can still challenge each other among ourselves, even if the preachers dont challenge us often. i know that we are able to be fed, but i definitely requires more effort and discernment on our part, just to achieve the same "level" of feeding offered during the sermons in crossing church. i also know that there are many more opportunities to serve here, because there is so much more need.
so this is really just a choice between being fed and serving..
is it selfish to want to be fed rather than serve? i really dont know, but we do need to be fed in order to serve effectively. the church edifies and is edified when we come together and fellowship. but what if we find that we are edified better in a different community?
just as i was pondering these things, i listened to a song, and somehow the lyrics seemed speak to me
just thought i would share it..
i think that will probably explain my decision
Love is not a place
To come and go as we please
It's a house we enter in
Then commit to never leave
So lock the door behind you
Throw away the key
We'll work it out together
Let it bring us to our knees
Love is a shelter in a raging storm
Love is peace in the middle of a war
And if we try to leave, may God send angels to guard the door
No, love is not a fight but it's something worth fighting for
To some, love is a word
That they can fall into
But when they're falling out
Keeping that word is hard to do
Love will come to save us
If we'll only call
He will ask nothing from us
But demand we give our all
I will fight for you
Would you fight for me?
It's worth fighting for
avoid the aliens;
2:27 AM
