Sunday, April 14, 2013
i realised that ive been going through denial. i cannot bring myself to think that gong gong has passed away.
i sometimes catch myself thinking he is still alive.
i guess i didnt really have the closure because when i saw the coffin, it didnt look like my gong gong. he looked so different. i know its stupid, but i think i subtly thought that it wasnt my gong gong. it was just another man.
i think all the times that i felt alright about gong gong was when i was distracting myself from the fact of his passing, or convincing myself that he is still around.
but i guess after the visit to the crematorium, im coming to terms that he is really gone, and its breaking my heart.
i know he is in a better place, but everytime i think about his smiling face, tears just flow uncontrollably. i think of him being reunited with daddy, and im so happy, yet im so sad because i see him reaching out his hand to me, and i cant join them, at least not yet. ):
i really miss you gong gong. i guess with daddy, i was really young. so i didnt really get the full brunt of grief.
but i guess this has taught me a huge lesson. a renewed perspective about the cross and God's love. i would never want to give up or even think of giving up my gong gong (or my child) for my enemies, but yet God did so. and it wasnt a quick death but a torturous and painful death. his love and grace is really higher than anything humanly possible for me, and im just so blessed to be loved more than i could ever deserve.
avoid the aliens;
12:24 AM
