Monday, February 09, 2015
my grandma is getting old. she asked me today to help her to enlarge one of her photos and change it to a white background so that she can frame it up and put it next to gong gong's funeral photo. it just made me feel such unspeakable sadness as i was editing the photo. death is just... horrible. i know it is a momentary parting with loved ones to meet our creator, but why does it have to feel like my heart is ripping apart inside of me?
then i started me thinking about how frail life is and in any moment, God can decide to take away any of my friend's/ family's lives. i honestly don't know how i can be strong enough to go through this! i know when the time comes, i will always be blaming myself for what i didn't say, and regretting the things i did say. so many 'if only's.
i guess one thing that i can be thankful about is that we only have to die once, to live forever! i just feel so impatient, wanting that day to finally come.
i can also thank God for the change in perspective. my thesis project just seems so small in the light of eternity. there's really no need to be so anxious about it, but rather to use this season of my life for God's glory. how exactly that will be done, i'm still figuring out. but i hope that God will lead me to know what to do and at the appropriate time.
See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
Till you cry when you're driving away in the dark
Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train
till then, i'll be missing you... ):
avoid the aliens;
12:41 AM
