Sunday, April 17, 2016
I dreamt about work today haha. Like i came up with a possible arrangement for the house I was designing! In my head, it was really a stroke a brilliance, and I couldn't wait to draw out the plans... But when I really woke up from the dream, the idea was really much less spectacular hahaha. probably even unfeasible lol.
i'm really stressed... I dont know if its just an adjustment thing, or is this really not the profession for me? it seems like i'm discovering more and more each day that there is sooooo much i don't know.
but I am still trying! i'm not giving up the hope that maybe one day i will ask all the questions that i need to know, and maybe finally be able to help others too. but i don't see that day coming in the near future. now i understand why people usually say the you only really know how to architect when you are in your 50s. that's why most of the star-architects are old men with thick reading glasses haha. and now i also understand why Theo was recommending me to work for my tutor as long as possible. it is definitely stressful work. ):
it was also really difficult to go to YF today... with so many burdens on my heart, i knew that it would be difficult to reach out to any of the younger ones, because i was having these internal struggles, and i felt like i might burst into tears any moment if someone pushed my buttons/ brought something up.. but im so glad that i went! not only did i manage to take my mind off work for a while, i thank God for people who listened (: now i really understand that benefit of just hearing someone out, not needing to offer any advice or anything.
but im sooo thankful for great supportive colleagues! i really could not imagine any better!! maybe this was God's way of encouraging me on this long journey, because somehow when i can share my worries, and laugh over them, they don't seem that ominous. they seem that much lighter (:
avoid the aliens;
2:05 AM
