Thursday, August 25, 2016
i'm so tired of thinking. tired of life. there are so many possibilities of what could happen in life, i just don't want to think anymore. don't worry, i'm not suicidal. im just glad if God decides to take me earlier than the average person.
just within the realm of my job, there's so many ways of designing things, that sometimes i'm just so tired of thinking because there will always be something that's better. Whether or not I can think of it is another issue (probably not). im tired of possibilities, i sometimes wish things were just black and white, and that there was a manual for designing things.
in relationships, there's so many things that you can say/ do for a person, sometimes i get so caught up thinking of what is the best way to say things, and end up not saying anything at all. then i end up regretting that i missed the moment, and thinking about the what-ifs. there's just too many permutations for how a relationship will turn out just from the conversations you have, and i really don't want to think about all the possibilities. why isn't there a manual for relationships?? why aren't things black and white????
looking back at what i just read, it sounds like i'm really angst or emo or something, but i think i'm just so tired of thinking... im looking forward to heaven, because God would have everything all sorted out. no more searching for solutions to problems, because there will be no problems! no need to be afraid to offend people because we will all be sinless! And of course spending all my undivided attention on giving God glory, which is so difficult in this life, especially when there's so much to be thinking about /solving/ damage-control!
i probably wont be able to understand what i'm feeling in a few months time when i look back on this post haha. i think its the perfectionist side of me speaking. if i can't get things perfect, then why even try?
avoid the aliens;
9:11 PM
