Tuesday, February 27, 2018
my heart is heavy.. just thinking about how dark life is. Why is life so hard? Not for me, but for so many people who fall through the cracks. Why are they so hard to see?
I think we blind ourselves to the truth we see to protect ourselves. The less we think about it, the less it can affect us. So each day we ignore, we become just a little more numb.
Today my eyes were stripped of its blindness. Its so weird to see again with such clarity. Yet i'm so conflicted and troubled. I don't want to ever go back to that state of blindness again, although everything around me tells me to. "Don't be stupid", "Don't fall for their tricks" they say. Is it really stupidity, or is it reality?
Not only are the things around me holding me back. Even a part of myself holds back, because sometimes its too painful to give. I forget that everything that I have is a gift: my talents, my time, my possessions, my money, my life. I tell myself that I've earned it, I deserve to spend it on myself. Think about all that I can get if I use this on myself. That would make me so happy. No, that's the heart that deceives and blinds us to think that our best life is to be enjoyed
now.
In the end, it all boils down to
whether He is worth everything that I give up for Him. Those who say that even if Christianity was a lie, their life was not wasted, never lived like Jesus. Jesus gave His all for people that did not acknowledge Him, even till His dying day.
Why does something so right feel so wrong? Am I ready to give up the acceptable social norms for the gospel of Christ?
I can't imagine how Your heart aches for all the hurt in the world, Lord.
You see them all!
Give me Your eyes to see,
Help me to love You as I ought!
avoid the aliens;
11:48 PM
